


What a Difference You Can Make

by InvertedPhantasmagoria



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Caretaking, Crying, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gen, Ghoul Biology, Ghoul Instincts, Headcanon, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Kagune, Massage, Mild Blood, Multi, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Purring Ghouls, Reader does their best, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Trauma, Trust Issues, Xeno, excessive headcanon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-04-16 22:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14174361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvertedPhantasmagoria/pseuds/InvertedPhantasmagoria
Summary: What if the way ghouls are treated in Japan wasn't the norm? That's more or less the premise here, with a ghoul aiding organization working to improve the lives of humans and ghouls both. Reader insert, as is usual for my works, and a massive fix-it fic. Basically, there's lots of xeno, lots of pain, and an eventual happy ending that is better than any of these characters got in canon. Fair warning, I don't know a ton about canon, and I am not caught up in the manga. This is a whole ton of fun headcanon, really. :DI have the feeling this is going to be an absolutely huge story. Chapter one is the longest singular chapter I've ever written, and if this pattern keeps up, this story is going places. . .





	1. But plant your hope with good seeds, Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaand I start another fic O3O I feel a little bad about starting a new one when I have so many in progress, but my best writing comes when I'm doing what I want, so I suppose it's worth it! I had a TON of fun writing this, and I think it's actually one of the better things I've written. As usual for me, this is just tons of headcanon-ing and excessive xeno, with a reader insert character _helping_ a lot of canon characters who need it. I really like how this chapter came out, and here's hoping it continues to be good! :D

Ghoul services exist for a very good reason. There are a lot less ghouls than there are humans, and humans always have had the tendency to hurt that which they are able to stand above, what they don’t understand.

It would be easy, dangerously so, for humans to claim the upper ground, to oppress a seemingly lesser species in the same way they terrorize everything that they don’t fully comprehend. It would be easy to pretend like ghouls are less human than they appear. It would be easy to decide that ghouls don’t deserve to exist in the first place.

But there are people who know better. There are people who are sure that ghouls exist for no fault of their own; that they’re just as hurt by discrimination and isolation as any human would be. And there are enough of these people, those who think that ghouls deserve a fair chance at life, that they have as much as right as anyone to be happy and _live._

In the simplest possible explanation, ghoul services are meant to offer aid to a species at a natural disadvantage in a world full of those who would want to hurt them, would want them dead for no reason but being there.

And that’s why, when you learned how poorly ghouls were treated in other parts of the world, you decided that it was something you had to do.

As soon as you were old enough, you volunteered for the American ghoul services branch, signed yourself up to be taught how to properly handle creatures that were used to the most horrible conditions humanity could offer them. You were eager to learn, eager to do your best to make sure that ghouls had a chance at a happy life even among humans.  
You had flown through the training programs with relative ease, jamming in enough study that you were licensed a year ahead of schedule, proving that you were serious about wanting to help out.

After that, you’d volunteered to be transferred to the newly introduced Japan branch, where the ghouls’ situation was arguably the worst. In that particular country, ghouls were hunted down just for existing, killed for needing to live, and it was only through some highly complex international relations that the ghoul services agency was allowed to work there at all.

In short, Japan was the most dangerous branch available, filled with angry, hateful ghouls with massive grudges against humanity. It was by no means a safe place to work, and yet, you couldn't help but want to go.

That was where the ghouls suffered, where many of them lived without ever knowing how humans could care for anything like them.

So you reached out. You insisted on being transferred to Japan, even when the people above you cringed at the thought of letting someone as skilled as you into the mouth of danger. You packed up your things. You moved to a bright, happy little apartment in Tokyo’s 20th ward.

You were ready for what you knew was to come.

The ghoul services branch was still hesitant about acting in Japan, and you were the first person to set up in the little building the company had bought for you in the area. It was small and plain, and you were happy.

First, you set up the little building to be as welcoming as you could. You painted the walls a light, bright sunshine yellow, calming aqua green in the therapy rooms. You bought little pots and planted flowers yourself, pretty white and pink blooms that would fill the windows with color. You selected furniture yourself; soft, comfortable things in light wood and bright cloth, old and soft and inviting to anyone that you would let in.

Your building was small, really. You had your lobby, with its wide, open windows, and log-book waiting to take down information on your clients. There were two therapy rooms in the back, both just big enough for what you’d have to deal with, each completely blocked off from the outside.

There was emergency living space tucked in the far half of the building, meant for if a ghoul couldn’t make it home for any reason.

That was the place that you poured the most care into, picking out pretty things that many Japanese ghouls probably never would have been able to experience on their own. You knew that a lot of the ghouls here lived in terror and poverty, and you were determined to be something different.

Lastly, there was your store room, where you’d keep the medication that ghoul services had provided you. It was an experimental drug, plenty effective back in your home country, but not used in the rest of the world.

When injected, it provided enough of essential enzymes, chemicals, and RC products that ghouls could process human food for close to a week. It was a true miracle of science, and the deciding factor in how ghouls were treated where you were from. Most of the world didn’t trust it yet, didn’t want to risk “catering to monsters that only want to kill”. You knew better.

As one of the sole ghoul service buildings in Tokyo, you’d have as much as you needed of the medicine shipped to you every week as you ordered it. It would be plenty to help any ghouls you encountered.

The medicine was the primary part of your services, the main goal being to help ghouls live better, happier, more well-adjusted lives, but you had a number of other responsibilities as well. Japan was very different in terms of _what_ you could do, though, so you had to be careful.

Other than the medicine, you were mostly there to help ghouls live; to help them understand human food, to help them find places to live, to help them get decent educations and access to proper care.

The other thing, that you were most hesitant about, was the therapy designed to reduce aggression and give ghouls a better chance at peace.

Said therapy was also on the experimental side, with results only proven by the very organization you worked for. You had a feeling that was only because no one else bothered to try, though.

The premise of “ghoul therapy” was that any living thing would benefit from kindness and care. Ghouls happened to have a giant, sensitive organ that responded exceptionally well to handling, and the idea had blossomed from there. The idea was generally similar to a massage, but one specifically targeted at the most potentially delicate area no human could fully understand, designed to reduce aggression through kindness and care.

Kagune could be used as weapons, yes, but they were soft as anything when they were relaxed, and from the ghouls you’d worked with back in training, you knew well just how effective the therapy could be.

Furthermore, gentle handling had been proven to release all kinds of powerful chemicals in ghouls’ brains, making them feel softer, more relaxed, less eager to hunt and kill. It was _highly_ effective when done properly, and the therapy could very well turn a vicious ghoul into a perfectly calm one.

From the first time you’d seen a ghoul completely relax under your hands, seen all the tension and fear bleed out of them in an instant, your mind had been made up. It had been amazing to know that you could make so much of a difference, that a little bit of gentleness could go so far.

After learning about the situation for ghouls in Japan, how so many of them never even got a chance to learn to read, you couldn’t do any less.

So you spent your first couple weeks in Japan making your office as comfortable as possible, turning it into a safe place where, hopefully, even a ghoul could feel a bit at home. You wanted to be safe for them.

You were still waiting on orders from ghoul services, still waiting to be assigned your first client, and although you were nervous, you were excited to do something to make a difference. You were afraid, yes, to potentially be up close to angry, hostile ghouls, but your desire to help them was stronger.

Eventually, you got the call, the message from your supervisors that they’d gotten into contact with a young ghoul in the area, and that they were sending him your way. You weren’t in charge of finding clients, no, your job was to determine what you could do to help them, what you’d have to arrange to make their lives a little better without giving them away.

It was a tough line of work; hard decisions that could easily result in someone getting hurt, but you wanted to do it.

So each day from the time you got the call, you went down to your office, settling in to wait for your potential client, straightening things around the rooms until you couldn’t think of anything else that needed to be fixed.

And then, on the third day of waiting, someone hesitantly pushed open your building’s door.

You looked up from your work immediately, eyes snapping to the person at the entrance. It was a small young man, dark haired and plain, wearing a white, medical eyepatch and plain, wrinkled clothes. He looked nervous, practically jumping out of his skin as soon as you made eye contact with him, and the only thing you could really think was that this was _not_ the kind of ghoul you’d been expecting for all this time waiting.

“Good afternoon,” you said softly, “What can I help you with?” The boy actually flinched, looking away from you quickly, as if he was afraid.

“Um, is this, th-the um, service building?” he asked, quietly, and you nodded, smiling wide and friendly at the young ghoul.

“Yep. I’ll get the windows closed so we can talk.” You stood up, walking over to the wide windows near the door and pulling down thick shades. It wasn’t safe here for ghouls to talk in public, so measures to protect your clients’ identities were essential for keeping them safe.

The boy stood and trembled for a few moments, staying quiet while you blocked off the room from the outside. He didn’t look like he was going to find the bravery to speak to you first anytime soon.

“It’s okay, you know. I won’t turn in any ghouls. My job is to help them,” you said gently, catching eye contact for a moment.

The ghoul’s eye went wide, and his posture stiffened. He was clearly afraid, nothing like the vicious, arrogant ghouls you’d been expecting. “It’s– I’m not–” What he squeaked out was absolutely pathetic, all quiet, shaky words and tripping over his own tongue as he tried to defend himself.

“You’re a ghoul, right?” you said, ripping off the metaphorical bandage in one pull. Better to get it over with than sit there and go back and forth. “It’s alright if you are. I was told that a ghoul was coming, after all.”

“Y-Yes,” the boy said, what little bravery he had left bleeding out of him all at once. His hands were shaking, and he still wouldn’t look at you.

You supposed it was fair. Ghouls were hunted down and killed here, and for him to be so afraid, it was likely that he’d had some kind of bad experience before, the kind of thing that you’d only heard about creatures so _human_ having to go through. Already, you felt bad for him, and your desire to do something to help was stronger than ever for his fear.

“Okay, that’s just fine. What can I do for you? I’m here to help, not turn you in or do anything to hurt you,” you smiled, soft as you could. “I’ll do whatever I can for you, so feel free to tell me what I can do.”

The ghoul’s mouth went tight, frowning with something like misery. “I’d like to be able to eat regular food again. . .” he muttered, almost so you couldn’t hear it. You ignored the strange phrasing, even if it was a bit odd. Your job was to help, not to question the lives of people already too secretive for being wanted for dead. You would never want to pry.

“We can do that, you know. If you’ll come with me to a therapy room, I can give you an injection that will fix that problem for about a week.”

You could see the moment the ghoul’s jaw dropped, visible eye going wide. “Th-that’s possible!?” he yelped, “B-But, I thought there was no– Ghouls aren’t supposed to be _fixable._ ” There was a fragile note of hope in his voice, something dangerously small and just barely sprouting.

“Mhmm. I could explain the science if you want, but it’s a little complicated. Point is, it gets into your system and compensates for the parts that make ghous unable to process any food but human meat. It’s just a little injection, and one dose will last about a week. They use it all the time where I’m from, and that’s why ghouls don’t have to be hunted down.”

The boy’s lip is shaking. The boy looks like he’s about to cry. You offer a smile, and gesture towards the back rooms, slowly, as not to scare him.

“If you’ll come back here for a moment, I’d be happy to let you try a dose. I’m here to help, remember?” He nods, slow and unsure, and follows you back to the room, almost tripping over his own feet for a moment.

“Oh, and before I forget, what’s your name?” you ask, turning back to him. You’ll have to not it in your registry, as if your bosses haven’t already.

“Kaneki Ken,” slips out with hesitancy in his voice.

Kaneki follows you back to the therapy room, visible eye flicking around and taking in the soft, green paint, the comfortable table in the middle of the room, the plush chair to one corner, the rack of storage against the far wall. You gesture for him to sit down, and he obeys.

You open up the small refrigerator against that far wall, carefully sliding a vial of the drug out of its case. It glints gold in the artificial light, and as you ready a fresh needle, you can feel Kaneki watching it.

“This will sting for just a moment,” you say, wheeling your own chair over next to him, gently taking one of his hands and rolling up the sleeve.

Kaneki shivers at the touch, fingers twitching, and you swab a bit of alcohol over the injection site, cold against his pale skin. The needle goes in easy as anything, hitting a vein on the first try, and you slowly push the top of the syringe down, injecting the dose in one even, steady motion.

The wound is healing by the instant you pull the needle out, skin already closing over and leaving nothing but a tiny, crimson smear of blood behind. You throw away the used syringe and offer Kaneki a tissue.

“Alright, give that about an hour to make sure it’s through your system, and you’ll be able to eat anything you want!” You smile, and Kaneki looks up at you with something like hope. He seems small, suddenly, fragile and young, like little more than a child. You’ve never worked with a ghoul this _soft,_ and the knowledge that you’re giving this boy, barely more than a child, a chance at a better life has your heart twisting hard in your chest.

“Um, th-thank you,” Kaneki says softly, looking down at his arm. He looks like he can barely believe what’s happened to him today.

“My pleasure. Oh, and if you don’t have access to human food, or for any other reason, you can stay here for a bit and eat something from the back room when you’re ready. This is a safe place for ghouls, so you’re welcome to stay as long as you like,” you say gently, welcoming.

Kaneki’s mouth opens and closes for a moment, as if he can’t quite figure out what to say. Eventually, he manages something. “I’d. . . I’d like that. Thank you for allowing me.” It comes out painfully unsure.

You let Kaneki choose where he’d like to wait, and the two of you settle in in your lobby, Kaneki reading a small, thick book, and you going over the paperwork for his visit, checking and double checking your work.

The hour passes easily, with no words between you, and Kaneki seems to relax for not having to talk, letting himself be absorbed into his book.

You keep an eye on the time for him, and after you think it’ll be safe, you stand up and knock lightly on your desk to get his attention. “You should be okay to eat, now. Any preference for what you want? I have a couple things in the back room that are meant for situations like this.”

Kaneki softly tells you he’s fine with anything, and you nod, going back to the little cooking area in the living space, and heating up a small can of instant soup. It’s warm, comforting, and should be easy on even a ghoul.

When you come back, slide the little cup into his hands, Kaneki looks half ready to tear up. He stars at the steaming soup for a long minute, holding it in his hands and soaking up the warmth. You are patient, and let him take his time. It must be strange, to suddenly be faced with food entirely different than anything else you’ve ever been able to eat.

Eventually, he leans in and takes a sip, eye fluttering closed as the taste hits his tongue. As soon as he’s swallowed, a massive sigh leaves him, as if all the tension holding him up was expelled at once. Before you know it, there are actual tears running down Kaneki’s face, messy and wet.

“It’s. . . It’s real,” he whispers, “I can eat it. It tastes just like. . . it’s _right_ again.” You nod and agree, not wanting to interrupt his happiness.

Kaneki slowly drinks the soup, savoring every sip. His hands have stopped shaking by the time he’s done, and when he passes you the empty cup, there’s something like a smile quirking at his mouth.

He leaves not long after, profusely thanking you as he steps out the door, still wiping at tears with his sleeve. There’s a warm feeling in your chest, something happy and soft, the feeling that you’ve just taken care of someone who needed it horribly, and you can barely keep from crying yourself. It’s _real._ This isn’t training anymore. That was a real ghoul.

You go back to your work with trembling hands, a feeling of elation coursing through you. You hope Kaneki will want to come back.

. . . 

Kaneki does indeed come back. Almost a week later, he quietly knocks on your door, slipping inside with a look of something like misery.

“It’s. . . It d-doesn’t work anymore,” he squeaks, and you immediately understand what he means. One dose of the drug only lasts for about a week, and after that, food will return to being intolerable, turning sickening once again as the ghoul’s system works its way back to normal.

“It’s okay. The drug only lasts so long, but there’s always more. Do you want another dose of it? It’ll always be free, so you can come back whenever you need it.” Kaneki’s eye starts getting watery almost instantly.

After you’ve given him the next injection, Kaneki sticks around again, reading in your chair. It’s a different book, you notice, and you wonder how quickly he went through the first one. He looks small, fragile, curled up in your chair, bangs falling forward as he leans over his book. It’s nothing like how you thought a ghoul would be, nothing like you’d expected.

He’s small and slight, thin for a young man, and soft featured. He’s pale and delicate looking, average like someone who always is overlooked.

You go back to your paperwork with a strange feeling curling in your chest. You force yourself to think about only your work.

Kaneki cries again when he eats, but it’s not as messy this time, just a few tears streaking down his cheeks. He thanks you again, in a voice that sounds like he’s painfully grateful, and you smile and tell him it’s okay.

It’s your job, you say. You’re here to help. He can come back anytime and get all the help he needs. Somehow, the words have more weight behind them than you ever thought they would. Somehow, you feel like you’re starting to care about this ghoul more than you ever should have.

The next couple weeks are much the same. Kaneki comes and goes, showing up every week for another dose of the medicine. Every time, he sits in your chair and reads, and every time he gets a little more relaxed. You offer him food and a smile whenever he stops by, and before long, he’s smiling back, a small, hesitant thing that almost seems odd on his face.

On the sixth time he stops by, shortly after administering the dose, he starts a conversation with you for the first time.

“So, um, what else do you do here?” he asks quietly.

You look up from this visit’s paperwork, surprised that he finally said something to you. “Well, Japan is pretty different than where I’m from, so it’s been kind of slow, honestly. It’s ghoul services’ job to get in contact with our clients; all I do is help them. The ghouls here are hesitant to interact with humans, so I’ve only had one client other than you so far.”

Kaneki nods. “That makes sense. With the, um, situation here, and all. . .” He trails off, looking nervous, and you understand why. You know what he means without him even having to say it. The CCG are a terrifying force.

“Most of what I do is the drug. It’s the big thing that makes ghouls able to live with humans safely, so that’s the majority of what ghoul services does. Our job is to make a peace where both ghouls and humans can be happy and well.” Kaneki looks at you with an emotion that you can’t place.

“That’s. . . nice,” he says, “I never would have thought it was possible. Here, it’s just ‘ghouls are monsters that have to be killed’, and all. . .”

“Mhmm. And that’s not fair. Ghouls are intelligent creatures too, and when they have a better option than ‘kill or be killed’, most choose to take it. No one wants to have to fight for their life.”

“Most of the ghouls I’ve known _like_ to hurt humans, though. . .” Kaneki says quietly, half as if he didn’t want you to hear.

“That’s usually a problem with how they’ve grown up,” you reply gently, “A lot of ghouls, especially here in Japan, are raised in tough situations. They grow up hating humans and blaming them for they way they live. It’s not fair, but it’s all they know, so they turn into people that think the only way to be safe is to keep hurting others.”

Kaneki is looking at you with something like shock, a nervous face that makes pity sting in your chest. “Don’t people worry that the ghouls they help are going to eat them? It’s not like ghouls are known for being nice. . ”

“Well, a lot of that is faith. We’re really here to help, so we have to believe that ghouls will understand that. And as for aggression, there’s therapy for that too. Ghouls really just need help; someone to be nice to them. Treating them like actual _people_ makes a huge difference.”

“What kind of therapy fixes vicious ghouls?” Kaneki asks incredulously. “I c-can’t imagine that’s an easy thing to deal with. . .”

“Simply put, it’s kind of like a massage. Kagune and the area around them can be very sensitive, and gentle handling releases all kinds of good chemicals in ghouls’ brains. It makes them feel safer, more relaxed, and like they can trust the people who take care of them. It makes a huge difference in how ghouls feel. Just trying to take care of them helps a lot.”

Kaneki goes quiet for a minute, looking down and clenching his hands in his lap. You can imagine that the subject is a touchy one; most ghouls don’t initially take well to the idea of being cared for by humans.

“Does, d-does that really work?” he asks eventually, voice soft and nervous. “Can you really make a ghoul more like a person so easily?”

“It definitely works. The ghouls that I worked with in training had volunteered to be there because it helped so much. It doesn’t hurt at all, and would make you feel like a totally different person.”

Making a face like he’s steeling himself to say something difficult, Kaneki swallows heavily. “And. . . a-and it would fix aggression? Make me less likely to hurt someone or– or–” He cuts himself off abruptly, looking sick, as if the very idea of hurting anyone is horrifying to him.

“It would make you feel so relaxed you wouldn’t _dream_ of wanting to hurt someone. It’s, um, a little intense, though, so please don’t feel forced to agree to it. I’m here to help you, and I don’t want to do you any harm.”

“. . . just do it,” he says eventually. “I-I don’t want to hurt anyone, but it’s like, like– I can’t _control_ myself sometimes. If you can fix that, I’ll handle it. I don’t want to be someone who hurts people.” Kaneki’s eye is wide, something like desperation starting to claw at his seams.  

“Okay. I believe you. I said I’m here to help, and I mean it. Come back to the therapy room, and I’ll do it.” Relief pulls him down instantly, body sagging a bit as if Kaneki no longer has the bravery to hold himself up.

He follows you back to the therapy room, nervously follows your directions to remove his shirt, and lays stomach down on the soft table in the middle of the room. He’s afraid, you can tell, practically trembling from the tension running through him, so strong you can feel it.

“Alright,” you say softly, trying your best not to startle the anxious ghoul, “I need to know what kind of kagune you have.”

Kaneki swallows again, and you feel like he’s glad that he’s hiding his face from your sight. “Rinkaku. . .” he says, and you can hear the tension in his voice, the fear. You think you have a guess as to what he’s afraid of.

“That’s okay. That’s good. You’re safe, Kaneki, I’m not going to do anything to hurt you. I’m going to massage your back a little, and then your kagune with come out. I’ll work on it a bit too, and then we’ll be done. It’s easy, and it won’t hurt you. Please relax and let yourself feel what I’m doing.” Half of your lines are what’s been taught to you in training, but there’s something very real about how you’re trying to comfort him.

Shoulders faintly shaking, Kaneki nods. You can still feel the nerves radiating off of him, and it makes your heart ache. It’s not fair that ghouls have to be so afraid, not fair how the humans here have treated them.

You place your hands on Kaneki’s upper back, rubbing gently up and down. He flinches under the touch, and your heart twists.

Working slowly, you massage carefully down Kaneki’s back, working towards the area where his kagune will come out.

Kaneki shivers, keeping his face hidden in his arms, and you try to avoid thinking about how long it’s been since contact meant anything good for him. You know it’s all too common that ghouls live only knowing that touch can mean pain, only understanding contact as part of a fight.

His muscles are tense, hard and knotted under your hands, and you work out countless little lumps of tension as you go. This poor boy must be horribly stressed, to have his body knotted up so badly, and you wince in sympathy as a particularly tight area makes him jolt and flinch.

By the time you’re worked down to the curve of his back, you have a feeling he’s already feeling better than he was, if still rather nervous. It couldn’t have felt good to have a back all knotted up, and even working out those areas would obviously make a difference in what kind of pain he’d be in day to day. Hopefully, the gentle touch would be easing his fear as well.

However, the instant you hit the area where his kakuhou would be, Kaneki actually _shuddered,_ jerking away from your touch.

“Wh-what is that?” Kaneki yelped, turning to face you without thinking. His cheeks were red, face flushed, and there was a note of something like panic in his eye as he looked at you, questioning.

“It’s just your kakuhou; don’t worry. They can get pretty sensitive, especially if you don’t use them very often. It won’t hurt, and it won’t hurt you. All you have to do is relax and let your kagune out when it’s ready,” you explain, rubbing small circles over the tender area you’d found.

You kept working, drawing little shivers out of Kaneki with every firm circle you made around his lower back. When you pressed down, he actually yelped, a soft little sound slipping out of him from the pressure.

After just a few minutes of that, the skin on Kaneki’s back was starting to open up, pale, red fluid dripping out of the little dip. When you rubbed along either side of the kakuhou, Kaneki’s back arched involuntarily, pulling away from the pressure of his kagune trying to escape.

The very tips of his kagune were starting to appear, sliding out of the dip in his back little by little, soft, bright red points poking up out of his skin.

Firmly working around the kakuhou, you kept up the pressure, gently encouraging his kagune to slip out. When you brushed your fingers over the little tips, Kaneki gave a full body flinch, inhaling a sharp breath. You knew well from training that this could be very intense for ghouls, and that being gentle with them while you worked was absolutely essential.

Already, you were forming some theories about Kaneki. Based on how sensitive he was, how reactive his kagune was being, you had a feeling that he didn’t let it out very often, and the whole organ was tender from disuse.

Pressing down on either side of the kakuhou, moving with Kaneki when he jerked back, you rubbed tight, careful little circles, the kind of motion that would draw the kagune out from the pressure. Red fluid was coating your hands by now, running down Kaneki’s back from his kakuhou.

That was the last straw. All at once, the kagune whooshed out, little, red, tips expanding into long tendrils, all four of them sliding out in one rush.

Kaneki’s breathing was unsteady, chest expanding and contracting rapidly from some combination of overwhelming sensation and what you had a sinking feeling was fear. He was shaking hard, so badly you could feel it.

“It’s okay,” you soothed, running a gentle hand up and down Kaneki’s back. “This is normal. You’re alright. I’m not going to hurt you. We’re almost done, it’s almost over, and you’re going to be just fine.”

The four, long tentacles of his kagune were waving nervous in the air, motions stiff from fear and what you could only assume was disuse. They looked tight and unhealthily stiff, as if they hadn’t been brought out in far too long. When you ran one hand along the smooth surface, Kankei shook, and the kagune hardened under your touch from its owner’s fear.

“Can you please try to relax for me?” you asked gently. “I know it’s hard, but I promise you’re safe. You’ll feel a lot better if you calm down and let your kagune relax.” As you spoke, you continued to caress the tentacle, running a gentle hand back and forth over the smooth surface.

Slowly, the kagune started to soften, Kaneki heaving tense, tight breaths as he visibly tried to force himself to relax. He was trying so hard to be obedient, even while he was afraid, and something twisted in your chest.

Starting from the base, you started to massage the one of the softening kagune tentacles, working the pliant surface with gentle motions.

As you went, the other tendrils started to move towards you, brushing against your hands and arms as if trying to figure out what you were doing. One hesitantly curled around your wrist, squeezing lightly, and you smiled. You had a feeling that this was entirely involuntary, if the way Kaneki was still hiding his face and shivering was any sign.

You worked your way from base to tip of the first one, delighted to see the tendril relax more and more under your hands. By the time you reached the tip, the whole tentacle was softened and relaxed, swaying lazily under your touch. It looked like it felt worlds better, and you were rather proud.

You gently uncurled the bit of kagune that had wound itself around your wrist, even as it tried to grasp at your hands for something to hold onto, it’s soft surface brushing hesitantly against your skin.

This really was nothing like training. The ghouls you’d worked with before had been completely used to this kind of handling, had willingly signed up to cooperate with various trainees, nothing like the nervous, unsure one you were working with now. The difference was huge.

The very tips were probably the most sensitive, small and thin, with an obviously high concentration of nerves, Kaneki jerking when your brushed your fingers over the very tip of the tendril you were working on.

Soon, you finished with the second tentacle, leaving it in the same relaxed state as the first one, waving contendly with the others.  

Kaneki was still tense, still shaking, but it was better than before. His trembles had become an occasional thing, instead of a perpetual shake, and it comforted you to know that you were at least helping a little. The ghouls you’d worked on before always wound up extremely relaxed by the time you were done, and you didn’t see why Kaneki should be any different.

No, if anything, his kagune was being more responsive to the therapy than most of the ones you’d handled before, practically pushing itself into your hands as you massaged the red tissue, softening slowly as you went.

It was easy to fall into a pattern of gentle touches, easy to slip back into the rhythm you’d practiced for months in training. Kaneki’s kagune was responding the same as any Rinkaku, relaxing little bit little and trying to wrap itself around your hands, as if seeking something to secure itself with.

Ghouls were no different than people, in the sense that they needed positive touch to survive. Going without attention and care was as detrimental to them as it was to any person, and with the kind of lives Japanese ghouls lived, you could only imagine how starved for touch and kindness so many of them would be, how needed this kind of contact was.

Kagune, especially, with no socially acceptable time to release them and allow them to move and relax, would have to be stiff and uncomfortable, completely unused to any kind of positive touch.

Before long, you finished with the third part of the kagune, leaving it swaying gently with the other two. The fourth one had curled around your wrist again, clinging onto you like it didn’t want to let go.  

On the fourth tentacle, you lingered near the base, focusing on working on any tension near the root of it, where it reached skin.

While you were working, your fingers brushed against the open kakuhou, where pale, red fluid was spilling out onto Kaneki’s back. The skin there was flushed, almost red itself where it met with the emerging kagune.

Following a knot in the kagune, you wound up slipping your fingers the smallest bit inside, brushing lightly against the ridiculously tender skin inside the kakuhou. Almost instantly, a high, gasping noise slipped out of Kaneki, and with a shudder than ran all the way through him, he went completely limp under your hands, the last of the tension leaving all at once.

You froze up for a second, almost afraid that you’d done something wrong. The inside of the kakuhou was tender, almost painfully so, and could be much too intense to touch during the first rounds of therapy.

But Kaneki had completely relaxed, going doll-limp on the table, even the shivers fading out of him. What you could see of his face was half slack, and his breathing had finally evened out into something less sharp. It was a good result, really, and you made a mental note of what had caused it.

Moving up the fourth tentacle, which had gone almost totally soft against your hand, you massaged out every knot you could find, determined to leave Kaneki as relaxed as you possibly could.

The surface of his kagune was almost completely soft, now, as pliant and relaxed as you’d ever seen one. The three tentacles you were done with were still swaying softly in the air, too far gone to even try to coil around you anymore. It was rewarding, and you smiled to yourself at the results.

Eventually, you got to the tip of the fourth tentacle, working out the tension from the very end of it, paying attention to ever shudder it earned.

You released the last tentacle, and came to a decision. You wanted Kaneki to feel better, as nervous and tense as the poor ghoul had been, and if that meant going a little bit outside of procedure, then that’s what you’d do. And well, what you were about to do had worked the first time.

Gently pushing the soft kagune tendrils aside, you brushed your fingers against the very edge of skin around the kakuhou, where it was red, wet, and dripping pale fluid more by the second.

Rubbing gently, you worked slowly around the place where regular skin met kakuhou, noting the shudder that went through Kaneki all over again. When you slid gentle fingers inside to the most tender skin of all, another little noise forced itself out of Kaneki’s throat, soft and vulnerable.

As you massaged inside along the tentacles, Kaneki practically melted onto the table, faint shudders the only tension left in him.

You only deemed your work done by the time weak little moans were starting to slip out of Kaneki’s throat, involuntary sounds that gave away how overwhelmed the ghoul was starting to become.

Slowly, you eased off, still rubbing gentle lines in Kaneki’s now sweaty skin. You didn’t let him drop after so much contact, just kept gently rubbing his back until the last of the shivers faded away, until his heavy breathing evened out into something that could be considered calm.

“We’re all done, Kaneki. You did great. I’m done now, and you can take all the time you need to recover,” you said softly, lightly stroking Kaneki’s upper back. “Do you feel alright? Was anything too much?”

Kaneki turned his head just enough that his face was hidden from you, curling slightly onto his side and inward. You could imagine that he felt painfully vulnerable right now, so relaxed that he couldn’t move properly if he tried. For a ghoul who was used to having to fight to survive, that had to be a frightening feeling, and your chest tightened in sympathy.

“Okay, let’s try to sit up. I have a room you can rest in for a bit if you need to, alright? You’re going to be just fine.”

You leaned down, slowly easing Kaneki out of his little ball, and helping him shift his weight enough that he could sit up. Most likely involuntarily, he pressed his face into the crook of your shoulder, heaving a sigh and keeping his visible eye tightly shut. He looked small, delicate, more like a child than a fearsome ghoul, and you ran a gentle hand over his shoulder before you could stop yourself, overcome with tenderness.

When you tried to help him sit up, though, he refused to move, staying curled in so you couldn’t see his face, hiding his head so all you could see was soft, black hair. There was a whole new kind of tension in his shoulders, one that you didn’t like the feel of at all.

“So you’re afraid of something,” you murmured, still trying to ease Kaneki into sitting up. “I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.”

Apparently too weak to keep fighting you, Kaneki finally moved with you, sitting up with a little whine. His eye was still scrunched shut, even as the rest of him was so relaxed he was barely able to hold himself up.

“Is it your kakugan?” you asked softly. “It’s okay. I know your eyes have changed right now. I know you’re a ghoul, and I’m not going to hurt you for it. You don’t have to be afraid. This is a safe place for ghouls; it’s okay to be what you are.” You didn’t like the idea of him being afraid.

Kaneki gave another little whine, face scrunching up as he struggled to think straight. You were very aware that he was feeling unsteady right now, delirious and sluggish from the therapy that left him weak and slow.

But his eye fluttered open, apparently too tired to resist you for long. And. . . it wasn’t changed. It still looked perfectly _human_.

That wasn’t normal. Ghouls’ eyes always changed when they let their kagune out, always went black and red as their emotions grew stronger. It was natural for a ghoul’s eyes to change when their kagune was released, and you’d never seen one who had managed to avoid it.

Vision unfocused, Kaneki was trying to look at you. He seemed afraid all over again, shivering faintly as you looked at him. And that was the opposite of what you wanted. You couldn’t stand for him feeling frightened.

“Th-This– I-I-I’m– Please don’t–” Kaneki tried to talk, but wound up tripping over his words, brain still not caught up enough to manage proper speech. It made sense that he wouldn’t be able to talk right yet, and you didn’t want to press the poor boy into forcing himself.

“Alright. I won’t ask. You can tell me about this later if you want to, or we can never bring it up again. I won’t press, and you can explain if or when you feel ready. You haven’t done anything wrong, Kaneki.” You gave his shoulder a reassuring little rub, trying to ignore how your chest twisted when he instinctively leaned into the touch, eyelid fluttering. “Let’s get you somewhere where you can rest a bit. You’ll feel better soon.”

You helped Kaneki to his feet, letting him lean his weight on you as you guided him back to the little living space. Kaneki sat down on the bed easily, flopping over and curling up as soon as you let go of him.

“You can come find me whenever you feel better. I’ll be in the main room, working on paperwork. You can take as much time as you need.”

Hopefully giving Kaneki some space to recover himself, you left and settled yourself in the main room, pulling out the paperwork for his visit and starting on filling out the forms. It would help to get a head start on getting through the paperwork, and it would also help to collect your thoughts.

Most of the therapy had been normal; Kaneki had reacted just the same as any ghoul in training, except for the last part. It was unheard of that his eyes wouldn’t change. You couldn’t imagine why his eye had stayed human. Kaneki had _definitely_ been overwhelmed enough for the kakugan to appear, and you’d never heard anything about a ghoul who could control it.

Time passed, and you tried to force yourself not to think about it. It wouldn’t do any good to pressure Kaneki into talking about something he didn’t want to, wouldn’t help to lose what little trust you’d earned so far.

Eventually, Kaneki appeared from the back rooms, nervously peeking out into the main room where you were waiting. He’d gotten dressed, pulled himself together, and he looked only a little bit out of it now, eye still slightly glazed, posture still a little more shaky than would be normal.

“How are you feeling?” you asked, smiling at him gently, and Kaneki very nearly flinched as soon as he met your gaze.

“B-Better. I’m _tired_ though, like I can’t m-move right. . . Is that normal?” He looked at you with a wide-eyed, nervous expression that was pathetic enough to make your heart do a little twist in your chest.

“Yep. That’s normal. You’re going to feel pretty out of it for a while, but it’ll definitely make you feel better. You seem like a pretty gentle ghoul anyway, but the more aggressive ones are the most affected. It’s normal for them to feel half sedated for days, sometimes. It’s sort of like a regular massage on a human, really. All kinds of chemicals are going off in your brain right now, so you’re going to feel weird for a while,” you explained.

“Oh. Th-that makes sense. Everything feels all fuzzy. . .” Kaneki trailed off, looking down. You had a feeling you knew what was distracting him.

“Do you want to talk about the eye thing?” you asked, getting to the point to spare him the trouble. Kaneki flinched, looking miserable. He started to curl in on himself, making himself small where he stood.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to be mad. This is a safe place, remember? You can tell me whatever you want to, and you won’t get in trouble for it.” You kept your voice low and soothing, fighting the urge to get up and pull the poor boy into a hug before he started to cry.

Kaneki stayed quiet for a long time, looking down and shaking slightly. He was wringing his hands, making a face like he was going to be sick, and his brow was tightly furrowed. You wanted to encourage him to tell you what was wrong, but pressing wouldn’t get you anywhere.

“. . . I used to be human,” he said eventually, so quiet you could barely hear it, and you very nearly choked on nothing.

“I wasn’t born a ghoul,” Kaneki continued, a little bit louder. “There was an accident, and an operation, and now, I’m– I’m something sort of in between human and ghoul. See, it’s, it’s only this eye that changes.” He reached up and pulled off his eyepatch, revealing a ghoul eye behind it. “I’m not a ghoul or a human, now, and I couldn't tell anyone. . .”

You believed him. It didn’t seem possible, but you believed him. Between the one ghoul eye and some of the things he said before; the way he’d reacted to human food, how nervous he’d been about his kagune, it all tied together into a person that very well could be only half ghoul.

Making a face like he thought you were going to hurt him, Kaneki had curled in on himself even more, picking at his shirt and shaking even harder. You could imagine how afraid he’d be, lost in both worlds.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” You were on your feet before you knew it, pulling Kaneki into a hug before you could stop yourself.

Kaneki practically melted into the hug as soon as your arms were around him, whimpering and burying his face in your shoulder. The poor boy acted like no one had ever touched him with any kind of positive intention.

“It’s going to be alright,” you murmured, rubbing his back softly. “There are lots of ways it can be better. You can keep getting the injections and keep being able to eat human food. I’ll help you whenever you need it. Therapy will keep the ghoul instincts under control, and I’ll make sure nothing happens to you that I can prevent. There’s nothing wrong with being a ghoul. You can just be Kaneki, whatever that means for you.”

There were tears wetting your shirt before you knew it, desperate little sobs wracking Kaneki before you’d even finished talking. He was crying like he’d never expected to find anyone who’d accept him, and you believed it.

You stood there with Kaneki for longer than you could keep track of, keeping the miserable half-ghoul close.

He clung to you like no one had hugged him in years, crying into your shoulder and holding onto you like a lifeline. You kept trying to calm him, murmuring soothing things until you were repeating yourself, and Kaneki cried all the more for the kindness. It could have been the therapy making him more fragile than usual, but he seemed like one raw nerve.

Eventually, Kaneki eased away, face red and eyes puffy, still sniffling. He stuttered out an apology, flushed even more as he realized what he’d been doing, and you told him you didn’t mind a bit.

He stayed at your building for the rest of the day, talking to you about ghouls and humans, how things _could_ be better than they were in Japan. He looked amazed by everything you told him about ghouls coexisting with humans, everything you said about it being okay for him to exist as himself.

You even got a few hesitant smiles out of him, soft and decidedly precious, a few happy flushes as he laughed at something you said.

By the time you both had to go home, Kaneki was in a much better mood, relaxed through and through from the combination of therapy and willing kindness. He looked softer, less fragile than he had when he’d come in, and you were pleased. This was the exact kind of thing you’d entered ghoul services for.

Kaneki went home, still smiling and waving at you as he left, and you went your separate ways, content in the day.

Somehow, you had a feeling it would be less than the usual week before you saw him again.


	2. From trees to puddles, knock dry grief, Into the deep end of the eye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter! And it's even longer than the first one O_O This story is getting out of my control very, very quickly. . . This was a very fun chapter to write, though, and contains some very sweet scenes! I don't know how fast I'll be able to keep writing these, but as long as I'm inspired, we'll see how much I can manage to churn out. 
> 
> First, Kaneki gets to bond more with Reader, and later, Nishiki gets to try the kagune therapy too~ I had a wonderful time writing the latter scenes, and I am _really_ having fun with this fic!!

Kaneki does indeed return. Every day, for nearly a week, he stops by to talk to you, bringing a book and a slightly less hesitant smile than before.

You wind up getting to know the half-ghoul better than you ever expected. Kaneki tells you about his best friend, his interest in books, his studies, every mundane thing about his life than he thought was over for good when he became something a little less than human.

He stays in your main room, reading and making small talk, keeping you company while you fill out paperwork and tidy up. A few times, he even helps you with the cleaning, claiming it’s the least he can do.

The way Kaneki looks at you now is so grateful you can barely stand it. He looks at you like you saved his life, and even though you both know you probably have, it’s hard to take that much raw emotion from anyone. You’d known for years what kind of work you were going to do, but seeing firsthand how you’re helping someone _real_ is hard to take.

Slowly, though, you’re gaining clients outside of Kaneki. Little by little, more ghouls are testing the idea of a human being willing to help them, and you work up to nearly ten clients total, all with paperwork to fill.

A couple of them come back. None of them accept the kagune therapy. All of them look at you like they expect to be betrayed at any second. The fear in the ghouls’ eyes, even when you know they could tear you apart, makes your chest ache with something like fury.

You wish you could do more for them. You wish you could save every ghoul that walked in your door, but your actions are painfully limited.

Kaneki tells you about being able to eat burgers with his best friend again, a smile lighting up his whole face, and you feel slightly better. Kaneki lets you work on his kagune again a couple days later, relaxes into your touch from the first contact, and you feel like you’re doing something right.

One day, Kaneki informs you about a place called Anteiku, a cafe for ghouls where the weak are helped. He explains that this is a rarity among ghouls, and that they even offered to help him, offer him food when he couldn’t hunt for himself. You perk up instantly. It’s an exciting premise, and one that you’d definitely need to make a report on for ghoul services.

Unfortunately, he says, the ghouls there are nowhere near ready to trust any human, especially you. They’ve all been hunted by the CCG for their entire lives, and allowing a human to know their identities is beyond what they’re willing to risk, even after seeing Kaneki and his results.

It’s a disappointing conclusion, but you press on, forcing a smile and promising to be patient. You’ll accept them, no matter how long it takes.

So you wait. You tend the flowers in your windows, hang pretty curtains inside, and wait for clients. You fill your fridge in the back room with all kinds of delicious foods for ghouls to taste for the first time. You furnish the extra little living space on the second floor of your building, making it as pretty and soft and welcoming as you hope the lower floor is.

You fill out paperwork on every client you get, detailing their lives and needs to ghoul services, so that better records can be kept on the status of ghouls in the area. In the time you’ve been in Japan, you’ve only needed to call in more of the ghoul drug once, which is a rather disappointing result. You knew going in that this would be slow, difficult work, but seeing the limits of your progress still gives you a little pang of unhappiness.

The other thing that makes you sad is how miserable all of the ghouls you meet look. Most of them are skinny and worn, with dark, distrustful eyes and tense posture. Many of them are visibly poor and dirty.

Despite the fact that you’re objectively much weaker than they are, the ghouls look at you like you’re going to hurt them. It’s painful to watch the way they duck their eyes and tense up if you move too quickly, the fear of humans that’s so obviously ingrained in their minds.

A couple ghouls cry when they try human food for the first time, allowing you to offer them something instead of finding such strange food for themselves. You’re reminded of Kaneki every time.

Little by little, you learn how to interact with the ghouls. You learn to move slowly, to smile with no teeth, to inject the drug without so much as brushing against their skin. It helps, a little bit, and the ghouls seem a fraction less tense when you behave in a way that seems safer to them.

It hurts you that such powerful creatures are left thin and afraid, but you follow their rules anyway. It’s better than scaring them away.

One night, though, Kaneki comes to you all shaken up, wide-eyed and trembling as he stumbles through your door. He looks frightened to his core, shaken up beyond what you know how to help, and that worries you.

“Did something happen?” you ask, pushing your paperwork aside and capping your pen. Kaneki flinches at your voice, looking down.

He winds up muttering something about ghouls and a close call, sitting down in one of your chairs and pilling his knees to his chest, visibly disturbed. You frown to yourself. You’ve gotten used to a Kaneki who smiles at you every time he steps in the door, who curls up happily with a book and settles in like your building is more welcoming than his own home.

It bothers you that he’s regressed back to fear.

“Can I do anything to help?” So you change your tactics. You sit down across from Kaneki, leaning forwards and smiling as gently as you can.

All you get in response is a miserable little whine, Kaneki curling in on himself even more, hiding his face and clutching at his sleeves.

“Alright. Do you want me to stay here?” Kaneki nods at that. “Do _you_ want to stay here tonight?” He nods again, shakier, and you feel like if you could see his face right now, Kaneki would be crying.

You don’t like the way this is going. There’s clearly something wrong, wrong enough that Kaneki would go to you, but so unpleasant that he doesn’t want to even mention to you what happened. You’ve already gathered that it’s a ghoul thing, something Kaneki either wants to spare you from or doesn’t fully understand himself. Either that, or it’s bad enough that just saying it would be painful to go through all over again.

You feel helpless, like Kaneki is slipping away into things that you have no power to help him face. You swallow that feeling quickly, pushing it aside where it can’t get in your way. You have to be focused, right now.

When you offer a hand to Kaneki, he takes it, clammy skin cool against yours as he latches on like you’re his lifeline. You keep smiling.

Kaneki follows you closely, unsteady on his feet as you help him back to the living area in the back of the building. He trips a little, once or twice, clearly not paying full attention to what he’s doing. He keeps ahold of you the whole time, squeezing your hand with a strength that clearly isn’t human. You don’t say anything about it, just pretend like you don’t care.

Sitting Kaneki down in the chair in the back room, you have a quick look around. You just cleaned a couple days ago, so everything is still neat, and the room itself looks as soft and inviting as it ever has.

“You can stay here as long as you need to, you know,” you tell him. “It’s safe here. Ghouls have been pretty nervous about this place so far, and the. . . humans don’t have any rights to take ghouls from a building that belongs to us. No one’s going to hurt you now.” Kaneki sniffles miserably, wipes at his eyes with one sleeve, and you worry a little more.

“Do you want me to stay in the room?” you ask, trying not to press. You don’t want to leave Kaneki alone, but you can’t force your way on him.

“Y-Yes, please. . .” It’s the first clear words you’ve gotten out of Kaneki so far, and you can’t help the feeling of relief that spreads through you. He at least wants your company, and you see that as a good thing.

“Okay. I’ll go get my paperwork, and I’ll do my work in here. I won’t leave unless you want me to.” You’re using what you’ve started to mentally refer to as your ghoul voice. It’s a soft, specific tone that has gotten the best results from ghouls so far. You use that tone a lot, these days.

When you return to the room after grabbing this week’s forms, Kaneki has moved to the bed, curled up into a little ball with a blanket tugged over most of him. You know from training that ghouls feel safer when they’re not out in the open, and it was probably instinct that drove him to hide somewhere while he was feeling vulnerable and afraid.

You settle down in one of the chairs, clipboard in your lap. Kaneki clearly doesn’t want to talk, so you settle into your work, trying to ignore how the letters blur through your worry. You don’t know when you started to care about Kaneki as a friend, but by now, you definitely do.

Eventually, you get bored of filling out papers. Kaneki is probably asleep by now, curled up in his little blanket burrow, hopefully at peace.

Ghouls are really an interesting species, and even a half one like Kaneki shows some of the same instincts. Operating almost like animals, ghouls are wired with strong impulses and survival drives. They become unstoppable when they’re hungry, hate to be in the open when they feel vulnerable, and recognize their surroundings half by scent. Overall, they seem almost more like animals than people, which makes their capacity for logic and emotion on par with that of humans’ all the more amazing.

In training, you’d learned all about what made ghouls feel safe, what would be like torture to them, what would sit well with instincts beyond human understanding. It was all nothing short of amazing to you.

What had to be even more incredible was how Kaneki processed things. As half ghoul, half human, he had to be torn between human thinking and ghoul instinct. You could only imagine what kind of incredible combination that was, how strange it must feel to be at the mercy of both.

Even worse, Kaneki had grown up as a human; suddenly dealing with ghoul instincts would have to be beyond bizarre.

At some point, you started to hear quiet mumbling, barely audible in the silence of the room. Kaneki was talking in his sleep, quiet words that you could barely make sense of, more nonsense muttering than anything.

What you _did_ make out was nothing short of alarming, though, a pieced together mix of words about being eaten or killed, about ghouls and being afraid. You were sort of piecing together what had Kaneki shaken up, and you didn’t like the sort of conclusion you were coming to.

“You poor thing,” you murmured, mostly to yourself. Kaneki really was sort of pathetic for a ghoul, obviously much too soft for that sort of life.

Once again, you were stuck with the feeling of wanting to protect him. You felt that was about ghouls in general, yes, but Kaneki was the one you were the closest to. It was frustrating, not being able to do anything but provide them means to have an easier life, and you wished, as always, that there was more you could do to protect them from their violent lives.  

The rest of the night passed without incident, you eventually falling asleep in the chair where you were working. You woke up to a half-ghoul tightly wrapped in what looked like every blanket on the bed, apparently having gotten twisted up in the rest of them while you were asleep.

You left Kaneki to wake up on his own, yawning to yourself and heading back out to the main room. The boy probably needed more sleep, and you weren’t going to be the one to wake him up when he was resting.

Around noon, Kaneki emerged with a wild fluff of hair, a missing eyepatch, and an expression like he’d much rather be in bed even now.

He looked relaxed, like he felt safe with you, and somehow, that made you feel a little more like you were doing something good.

. . . 

A while later, Kaneki shows up to your door in a mild panic.

“Okay, you’re okay. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” you ask, when it seems like all he can do is trip over his words and stutter miserably.

“Th-There’s a g-ghoul I had to fight. . . H-He’s still hurt, and I d-don’t know what to do,” That gets your attention fast. It’s hard to imagine the Kaneki you know fighting anyone, much less wounding them badly enough that a ghoul wouldn’t have recovered from the damage some time later.

“Alright. What do you need me to do?” Keep it simple. Kaneki is obviously flustered, and it won’t do any good to pry, no matter how curious you are about what kind of fight the timid half-ghoul had wound up in.

“Can y-you do something, please? He, um, d-did some things, but I d-don’t want him to die. . .” Kaneki asks, eye wide with nervousness.

“Of course. I’m here to help ghouls, aren’t I?” You smile, trying to lighten the mood. Kaneki is compassionate, kind to even someone who tried to hurt him, and you feel viciously protective. The smile you’re used to seeing from him is what you want to stick around. “Just a minute, okay? I’ll pack up some things to help, and you can take me right to him.”

In the back rooms, you grab the supplies for an injection of the ghoul drug, a couple items of human food, and, from the refrigerator upstairs, tightly wrapped so the smell won’t carry, a few chunks of human meat from your emergency supply. You’re allowed to keep some on the premise in the case of an injured ghoul, and as gross as it is to think that you’re handling a dead person, you know that it’s a necessity when dealing with ghouls.

You pack everything up into a little bag, making sure that the meat is thoroughly wrapped. You don’t need any other ghouls getting too curious. It’s sort of nerve wracking, that you’re going to be fixing up a ghoul.

Honestly, you wonder what Kaneki could have done to mess up another ghoul badly enough that they’d need your help. You know from your working with him that he has a powerful kagune, but you can’t imagine someone as sweet and gentle as Kaneki harming someone.

The only way you can picture it is if he was heavily provoked, which brings to mind all kinds of other, unpleasant possibilities.

When you think about it, it’s almost for sure that the other ghoul did something to force Kaneki to hurt them. You know very well that ghouls tend to fight amongst each other, tend to be aggressive and territorial over where their food comes from, but with Kaneki on the medicine and eating almost entirely human food, you don’t understand why he’d get caught up in that.

But you force down that line of thought, finish packing up your things, and go out to tell Kaneki that you’re ready. He’s still standing there, nervously, and you can’t help but think that you hate that expression.

Kaneki leads you through the city, twisting his hands in worry all the while. You end up in a residential side of things, Kaneki warning you that this ghoul isn’t exactly friendly, and to please, please be careful, and you do your best to reassure him that you’ll be alright.

“It’s my job, remember? I’m trained to work with ghouls, and I knew going into this that it could be dangerous. I’ll be alright.” You resist the urge to ruffle his hair, to do _anything_ to wipe the worried look from his face.

The two of you walk up to one of the apartments, and Kaneki hesitantly knocks. A frantic looking, brown haired girl answers, and her face morphs into something like a glare when she sees Kaneki.

“What are you doing back?” she asks, and you can feel the worry in her voice. She must have some connection to the injured ghoul.

“He brought me here,” you interject, before Kaneki can stutter out some frighted response. “I'm from ghoul services. I’m here to help.” You smile, introduce yourself, and offer her a hand, and the girl looks at you with obvious distrust. She shakes your hand anyway, grip soft and shaky.

“What’s ghoul services?” She sounds bitter, angry, and you can imagine that she’s already connecting you with the CCG in her head. You’re not surprised; for all ghouls are hunted here, it makes sense that she’d want to be cautious with the one she’s close to, want to keep him safe.

“It’s kind of like social services; the thing that helps people who need it. It’s specifically for ghouls, though. Our job is to reach out to ghouls and help them to interact in more healthy ways with humans. We want to help ghouls, not hurt them. Our goal is safety for both sides,” you explain, watching the girl’s expression turn a strange mix of curious and distrustful.

“So. . . you’re here to help him?” she asks, looking down, and you can understand why she’s afraid, why she’s worried about your intentions.

“Exactly. I don’t expect you to trust me, but I’m really here to help you both. Will you let me do what I can?” You can see the girl weighing the options in her head, obviously afraid that the wrong choice will mean death for the ghoul. You don’t blame her. The way ghouls are treated here, the way they’re hunted down would make anyone afraid, you think bitterly.

“Okay,” she eventually says, “Please help Nishiki.” She steps away from the door, heading back inside and allowing you to follow.

Inside, the apartment is a mess of empty coffee containers and clutter. It smells like blood, like someone’s been in pain for a while, and in the one bed on the far side of the room, a lump of blankets slowly starts to shift.

A small, pained moan escapes the lump. It twists around a little more and you can _see_ the moment the ghoul insides realizes you’re there.

With a hiss, the ghoul presses himself against the wall behind him. “Kimi, who did you let in here?” he growls, trying to sound intimidating even as his voice is weak and rough, even as you can see him faintly shaking.

“It’s. . . someone from something called ghoul services,” the girl, Kimi says quietly. “They say they’re here to help, and right now, I think we’re out of other options. Could you please let them help you, Nishiki? I don’t want you to die. . .” She says the last bit almost too quietly to hear.

A head pops out of the blanket tangle, all messy, cinnamon hair, cold, tired golden eyes, and a face so exhausted it makes you wince in sympathy. There are bags under the ghoul’s eyes, and his hair is so dirty and uncombed it looks like he hasn’t tried to take care of it in weeks. There’s obvious pain in his eyes, though, and you can tell already he’s hurting.

The worst part is how _afraid_ he looks, eyeing you and Kaneki like he’s afraid you’ll attack him at any moment. The look he has is panicked, almost wild, and you have a feeling he’s been fearing for his life for far to long.

Moving slowly, you take a few steps towards the bed, kneeling down beside it and trying to contain your sympathy when the ghoul flinches, eyeing you like you’re a threat. He’s clearly the prideful type, and you don’t want to do something to offend him and ruin your chances of helping.

Quietly, gently, you introduce yourself and ask his name.

“Nishio Nishiki,” he says, and his voice croaks painfully with every word. He’s eyeing you like you’re dangerous, obviously tense and in pain, and you have to actively ignore the part of yourself that wants to act.

“Alright, Nishio, I’m here to help you. Is that okay? I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to,” you say, voice slow and soft.

“‘m probably gonna die if you don’t. . .” he says, obviously miserable, and you don’t miss the way he glances as Kimi, the way her face twists in worry. “I don’t trust a shitty human, but everything fucking hurts so bad I don’t care too much either. Do what you want, I guess.”

“Okay. Thank you. I’ll do my best to help you. Kaneki told me you were injured, is that right?” Nishio’s face twisted up a bit, something bitter and angry crossing it for just a second. Kimi heaved an unsteady breath.

“Yeah, that’s right. I’ve got a shitty hole in my stomach that won’t heal up, and I’m too weak to hunt anything to fix it. It’s been like that for. . . a week, more, I don’t know. All I can do anymore is sleep.” You can feel how admitting it hurts his pride, how showing weakness makes him bristle.

Kaneki flinches somewhere behind you, probably feeling like this is his fault. You’re reminded that this ghoul probably tried to hurt Kaneki, if not worse. You don’t like the idea of Kaneki being harrassed by another ghoul.

But you have a job to do, and you can’t focus on just one ghoul. You force that feeling down, open your bag, and pull out the packed meat.

“Here you go,” you say, unwrapping it and placing it in front of Nishio. “It’s human. Will this be enough to help you recover?” Nishio takes one look at the pile of meat, and looks at you like you’re crazy.

“What kinda human brings a ghoul meat?” he asks, looking at you with something like suspicion. “That’s fucking crazy. It’s probably poisoned or something. . .” He picks up a piece of the meat with shaking fingers, sniffing it warily. You can see the moment hunger rushes to his face, ghoul appetite getting the better of him in seconds. He’s starving, you can see.

One hesitant bite is all it takes. He’s on the meat in an instant, eating it so quickly it’s like watching it disappear. There’s blood running down his chin by the time he’s done, coating his fingers, but he looks like he feels a bit better already, wounds most likely starting to heal.

Nishio licks his lips, a flash of tongue that reminds you that he could eat _you_ if he felt like it, then collapses back onto the bed, sighing.

“Really hope there wasn’t something in that. . .” he trails off miserably, closing his eyes in obvious relief. You wonder how long he’d been injured for, how long he’d been starving and in pain.

“It’s safe. Do you feel better?” you ask, watching Kaneki and Kimi’s nervous expressions out of the corner of your eye. Kimi looks worried about Nishio, probably her partner, and you can imagine that she’d have reason to fuss over him after all this. Kaneki, on the other hand, seems half afraid that Nishio would attack him all over again, which also doesn’t surprise you.

Nishio seems like the dangerous kind of ghoul, and you have a feeling that Kimi is the only thing keeping him under any kind of control.

“Yeah, feels _less_ shitty,” Nishio says eventually, a hesitant tone in his voice that makes you think he didn’t want to admit it. His eyes are still fixed on you when he talks, obviously still considering you to be a potential threat.

“Good. I’m glad you’re in less pain,” You smile at him, and Nishio makes a face, visibly unhappy that you’ve done something good for him. “Now, I have an injection here that will make it possible for you to eat human food for about a week per dose. It takes about an hour to kick in, but it works; you’ll be able to process human food just fine.”

Immediately, Nishio’s face turns sour, looking at you like you’re crazy once again. “You think I’m gonna fall for that? You’ll dose me with something nasty, and I’ll be vomiting up organs or some shit five minutes later. No way that shit’s real,” he sneered, glaring at you.

“It’s real. I know my word doesn’t mean much, but Kaneki can prove it to you, if he’s okay with that. Things would probably be easier for you if you didn’t have to hunt, right?” Nishio flinches a bit at the truth in your words.

“Nishiki. . . if it makes things better for you, would you please try it?” Kimi chimes in suddenly, clasping her hands in front of herself in a nervous motion that you can see the worry in. “This person has already helped you, so, for us, could you please let them try? I want you to be okay. . .”

Nishio’s expression shifts a bit, going softer than anything you’ve seen from him yet for just an instant. Quickly, though, he looks down, mouth twisting into a snarl once again as he tries to recover.

“Fine, fine, but if this fuckin’ kills me, you all better remember that I was right,” he says, voice slowly improving from the weak croak before.

You ready the dose, prepping the ghoul-piercing syringe and politely asking Nishio to hold out one arm. He obeys, a subtle hesitancy weighing him down, and you feel like you can see a sort of fear lurking behind his tough exterior, some kind of terror that he’s going to be betrayed.

The needle goes in easily, and Nishio doesn’t so much as flinch. He watches you the whole time, eyeing you with obvious suspicion, but he doesn’t do a thing to push you away. You hear Kimi heave a relieved sigh somewhere behind you, and silently thank her for helping. The girl very clearly has power over this prickly ghoul; he clearly loves her.

“Alright. In about an hour, you’ll be able to eat whatever you want. The dose will last for about a week, and then it will start to slowly wear off. When human food starts tasting bad, it means you’ll need another one soon,” you explain while Nishio glares at you still.

“Thank you,” Kimi says, before Nishio can chime in with anything rude, “You’re very kind to offer so much help. We’re both grateful.”

She bows a bit, and Nishio sputters, loudly protesting that he has no reason to be grateful to a human like you. You smile, amused by the antics of this ghoul and human pair. They seem like a good match for each other, even if it’s likely that Kimi keeps her vicious ghoul in line.

“I’m happy to help. Ghoul services offer all kinds of aid to ghouls, including aggression-reducing kagune therapy, so please stop by my office if you need anything.” You pass her an address card, pleased.

“Kagune therapy? What does that do?” Kimi asks, curiosity welling up in her voice. Nishio hisses something rude in the background.

“It’s more or less like a massage. Ghouls’ kagune can be very sensitive, and the positive contact reduces aggression and makes them more agreeable and gentle. It’s a key factor in how ghouls are able to get along with humans back in my home country,” you explain.

“Sounds shitty,” Nishio hisses. “There’s no reason why I’d let some human put their nasty hands on me, and like _shit_ it ‘reduces aggression’”.

“Nishiki!” Kimi chastises, swatting him on the arm. “Be polite. They’re trying to help you; don’t be so rude just because you don’t understand.” She turns to you. “Thank you for the offer. We will consider it.”

By the time you have your things packed up, Nishio is sitting up in the bed, looking much better than mere minutes ago. He’s probably healed quite a bit even in that short amount of time, and you can only imagine how much less pain he’s in, now that the “hole in his stomach” is starting to close. Food in his stomach probably feels much better too, a vast improvement on the painful feelings of starvation that ghouls have to go through.

Even Kaneki, who had been standing off to the side with an expression like a frightened rabbit, had seemingly calmed down, posture relaxing and some of the tension leaving his nervous, hunched up frame.

Kimi smiled at you when you left, a small, genuinely happy thing. She too looked better than when you’d met her, relief at Nishio’s recovery seeping through her like ink on paper. She had thanked you again when you were picking up your things, again when you excused yourself from her apartment, and again as you and Kaneki were heading down the stairs.

The girl’s smile had reassured you, brought back that feeling like you were doing something _good,_ and you were glad to have come.

“Is Nishio going to be okay?” Kaneki, who had been silent for most of the visit, asked. You had the feeling he’d wanted to stay out of the way, avoid making anything worse after already hurting Nishio in the first place.

“I think so. The meat will help him heal, and he did accept the injection, so he’ll be able to get along on human food for a while.” You tried to reassure Kaneki a little, even though you weren’t sure what would happen to Nishio next. He seemed like the aggressive type, and you would have felt much more confident in his safety if you’d been able to work on him.

“I wonder if he’ll agree to the kagune therapy. . .” Kaneki muses quietly, and you sigh. Currently, it seems rather unlikely.

“Don’t know. I hope so, though. He seems like the type who needs it. It would probably do him a lot of good to relax a little.” You hope Kimi will be able to convince him, hope that you’ll be able to help.

You and Kaneki walk the rest of the way back to your building making idle small talk, laughing about silly things and allowing Kaneki to go into detail on the most recent book he’s read. It’s pleasant, and in all honesty, you’re starting to think of Kaneki as more of a friend than a client.

. . . 

A couple days later, while you were working on paperwork all over again, the little bell you’d installed above your door rang. When you looked up, it was Kimi and Nishio, the former standing tall and absolutely beaming, and the latter hunched over and frowning, with an expression like he’d rather be absolutely anywhere else than in your building.

“Good morning,” Kimi smiled, “I hope we’re not intruding. I would have called ahead, but I just convinced Nishiki this morning.”

“No worries. You’re not intruding at all. Today’s been slow, so all I’m really doing is lots of paperwork.” Kaneki was away with his friend today, too, so you really were alone. “What can I do for you today?”

Kimi’s grin stretched even wider, the look of a woman who had won a massive argument slipping across her features. “Nishiki is here for the kagune therapy, if you have time. I thought it would be a good idea for him, and after some discussing, he’s finally decided to agree.”

“Still think it’s a shitty idea. . .” Nishio mumbled, looking away, even though he was obviously beaten on the subject.

“Hush,” Kimi said, giving Nishio another little swat on the arm. “This nice person has already helped you a lot, so you need to be polite to them. You don’t call someone’s work shitty when they’re the reason you don’t have to go out and hunt humans all the time.” Nishio flushed at that, scowling, and the fact that he didn’t try to argue almost made you laugh.

“Speaking of which, how did the injection work? Has human food been alright for you?” you asked, stifling a smile at how the powerful ghoul was cowed so easily by his partner, even as he grumbled and complained.

“It’s been wonderful,” Kimi said, when Nishio didn’t answer. “We can go on real dates now, and Nishiki is doing great with human food. I think sweets are his favorite, though, ” she laughed, and Nishio turned a darker shade of red, crossing his arms and growling something under his breath.

“Good, good. I’m glad it’s gone well for you.” You smiled at Nishio, and he looked at you through his glasses with something like disdain.

“Sorry,” Kimi winced, “he’s in a bad mood cause I made him come here. The kagune therapy idea is. . . not something he likes. It was really my idea.” You could have guessed as much from Nishio’s expression.

“That’s okay. As long as he’s mostly willing, it’ll still work just fine.” You turned to Nishio. “Who knows, maybe you’ll change your mind.”

“Like shit I will,” Nishio growled, glaring, “I’m not gonna enjoy some human manhandling me. It’s fucking stupid, and I’m only here ‘cause Kimi wouldn’t quit whining about it for days, you got that?”

“Okay. Whatever you say.” It was honestly a struggle not to laugh. You’d never heard of a ghoul who didn’t react to the therapy, after all.

Kimi did laugh a little, and Nishio whipped around to glare at her, hissing at her to _knock it off._ The only thing that interrupted the beginnings of what you could imagine was the same kind of argument that had been going on for days, about the exact same subject, was you, politely asking Nishio to come back to the therapy room if he was ready.

“Can I come back there too?” Kimi asked, hesitantly. “I think Nishiki might take it better if I’m there with him. . . Is that okay?”

“As long as Nishio is okay with it, it’s just fine,” you said, turning to your new client, who was looking at the both of you like he’d much rather you quit talking about any of this, mouth crooked in a scowl.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” he sneered, still looking like he thought the very idea of what he was about to do was crazy.

Back in the therapy room, Nishiki took his shirt off with minimal complaints, laying down on the table, still grumbling about how stupid all of this was. Kimi settled herself in the chair beside the table, scooting it closer to Nishio so she could be next to him, brushing her fingers over his in a ridiculously sweet gesture that you were fairly sure Nishio enjoyed.

“I need to know what kind of kagune you have, please.” you explained, already slipping yourself into a mindset of focus.

“Bikaku,” Nishio said, almost proudly, passing Kimi his glasses.

“Okay. Thank you. So, the first thing I’m going to do is work on your back a bit. The kagune will come out on its own because of that, and then I’ll work on the kagune itself a bit, alright? None of it will hurt, but it might feel a little strange.” You already had a feeling of how he was going to take this.

Nishio stiffened up as soon as your hands were on his back, muscles going tight. He was clearly displeased, uncomfortable with you touching him, but the only thing you could really do was keep going.

Quite possibly from being injured for so long, Nishio’s back was tense, knotted up in the points of the muscle that would hold the most of his stress. You worked from his upper back down, considering that his kakuhou would be located at the lowest part of his back.

Kimi was watching intently, eyes fixed on how yours hands worked down the curve of Nishio’s back. He was slowly relaxing under the even, constant pressure, slowly starting to accept your touch. You could imagine that he was a little more used to positive contact than most ghouls, considering Kimi’s presence, but “a little more” didn’t say much.

“So, how does this work? Oh, if I’m not distracting you,” Kimi asked, visibly curious about what you were doing to her partner.

“It’s alright. As long as Nishio doesn’t mind, I’d be happy to explain.” Nishio made an annoyed sound into where his arms were crossed under his head, and you took that as as much permission as you would get.

“Right now, I’m relaxing the area around the kagune. Working on other areas of the back also helps the ghoul get used to me touching them, so it’ll come as less of a shock when I actually start on the kagune. It’s easier on them to be worked into the intense parts, instead of going for the kagune right away,” you explained, and Kimi nodded along, wide eyed.

“Now, since I’ve worked all the way down his back, I’m going to start on the kakuhou.” With those words, you started to press down on the lowest part of Nishio’s back, feeling for the tell-tale softness of his kakuhou.

All at once, your fingers sank in to where the skin was soft and pliant, and Nishio jerked almost painfully, whipping his head around to look at you.

“Wh-what. . . that didn’t feel right. . .” His eyes were wide, a bit of black starting to creep into them, and his expression was confusion bordering on something worryingly close to fear.

“It’s your kakuhou,” you said softly, trying to pacify the obviously nervous ghoul. “I know that it feels kind of weird, but it won’t hurt you.”

You pressed in again, sliding your fingers over the little dip, and Nishio jerked, arching away from your touch. Rubbing little circles on either side of the kakuhou, you started on the motions that would coax the kagune out, gently working the skin around where the kakuhou was starting to flush.

“Does that hurt?” Kimi asked, leaning in with a worried expression, clearly starting to fuss over Nishio thanks to his reactions.

“Not a bit. It’s actually closer to the opposite. When not used for hunting or fighting, the kagune and kakuhou can be very sensitive. Nishio isn’t in any pain, he’s just not used to having them handled.”

“W-Well I don’t fucking _like_ it,” Nishio hissed, squirming. “It feels w-weird. . . Gah!” A weak little noise slid out of him before he could stop it.

A little, blue tip was starting appear, shining, translucent and already amazingly pretty. Nishio’s kakuhou sliding open and allowing his kagune to appear. The area was going red, skin flushing and pulling open, red fluid dripping out from the area where the kagune was starting to emerge.

You brushed your fingers lightly over the little tip, coaxing out of the skin, and Nishio whimpered, that noise too slipping out of him faster than he could hold it in. Your chest twisted painfully. Such a proud ghoul being taken apart so fast was typical, but still almost painful to watch.

Nishio shivered, hands clenching and eyes getting a faint, wild look in them. “Th-that doesn’t feel right. . . why’s it c-coming out?.” He was wriggling a bit, unable to process the sudden, pleasant touch against the sensitive organs, and you could see that he was starting to get nervous.

“I’m helping your kagune come out. I’m going to be working on it, so it needs to be out,” you said softly, “It won’t hurt a bit, I promise.” You didn’t like the way he was reacting, all fear and worry.

You brushed your fingers over the little tip again, and Nishio’s hand shot out to grab Kimi’s, squeezing her fingers so tightly it couldn’t be comfortable. His bravado was dropping fast, and it was probably a good thing that he had someone he trusted there to help.

“Is this okay?” Kimi asked, nervous looking at her partner, “I’ve never seen Nishiki like this. . . Are you sure you’re not hurting him?”

“I’m positive. It’s intense, and he’s a little scared, but it won’t do anything to hurt him. He’s just not used to having it handled and he doesn’t really trust me, so the contact is coming as quite the shock,” you explained, rubbing at the little dip a bit more, easing the kagune out.

“I c-can’t do this,” Nishio mumbled, shivering. “Kimi, Kimi, make it st-stop. I can’t–” He was starting to curl up, arching away from you in obvious fear, and you pulled back, unwilling to press any farther.

Nishio was flushed bright red up to his ears, lower back just as red, puffy around where his kagune was starting to appear. The blue tip of it had extended a good six inches, waving stiffly in the air in obvious fear. He was shaking, shuddering like Kaneki had started to, but with none of the relaxation from your touch kicking in. You could imagine that some kind of trust issues were making this far too intense for him to handle.

But Kimi was at his side in a second, petting Nishio’s hair and letting him cling to her hand. He scooted closer to her willingly, towards the one person that you knew he was able to trust.

“Th-This is helpful for Nishiki, right?” Kimi asked, looking up at you with worry. You could see why she was nervous; he looked like a wreck.

“Completely. The therapy reduces aggression and makes ghouls less likely to act out. It’s relaxing for them when they can accept it, and is extremely pleasant when they’re used to the touch. He’s just afraid. I can’t say why, but something’s making him all tense and nervous,” you explained.

Kimi closed her eyes for a moment, as if she was thinking very hard about something. “I want Nishiki to be okay,” she said eventually, “so is there anything I can do to help? I know he needs this, but it’s _hard_ to see him afraid. Would it help if I was the one touching him?”

That was a new idea. Kimi wasn’t trained, but she was close to Nishio, and he’d be much more likely to accept her touch instead of panicking

You didn’t like how this was going any more than she did. You both knew that Nishio would benefit from the therapy, but seeing a powerful ghoul so afraid of you almost hurt. Your mind was made up quickly.

“Okay, we can try. I’ll tell you what to do, so we’ll see if this helps,” You stepped back, allowing Kimi to stand up and join you by Nishio’s side. He whined when she pulled away from him, a high, panicked sound hands scrabbling after her, and you caught a wild look in his fully black eyes.

“What do I need to do?” Kimi asked, standing beside you and looking down at the red mess of Nishio’s lower back.

“First, we need to get the kagune out. Rub softly around the kakuhou, gentle so you don’t hurt him. The goal is to coax the kagune out slowly, but there’s going to be a big ‘whoosh’ when it escapes, alright?”

Kimi placed her hands on Nishiki’s lower back, and he whimpered, burying his face in his arms. She rubbed around the kakuhou like you’d instructed, a little clumsier than you, but pressing at the skin with the right motions. It was only a minute before you saw the kakuhou slide open more.

In one smooth motion, the kagune emerged, sliding the rest of the way out of his skin with ease. It was a long, blue tail, a beautiful, translucent color, and it curled in the air nervously once it was out, obviously looking for something to wind around. Nishio made an overwhelmed little noise into his arms, a shudder running through him as his kagune escaped.

“Now what?” Kimi asked running her fingers soothingly over Nisho’s back with tenderness. For the ghoul’s pride, you tried to ignore how he instantly, instinctively leaned into her gentle touch.

“You’re basically going to be massaging the kagune. Work from the base up, and the goal is to get it to relax. You’ll know you’re doing it right when the kagune starts to soften. Oh, and it’s probably going to try to grab onto you. They like having things to hold onto,” you said, guiding.

Kimi placed her hands on the kagune, and it shivered, another line of red fluid dripping out of Nishio’s kakuhou. The blue muscle is soft, pliant already, but tensed in places from its owner’s fear, and when Kimi starts to work her hands around the base, you guiding her with little comments, it wriggled and curled, trying to latch onto her wrist and cling.

Nishio is shaking, less afraid now that someone familiar is touching him, but still making small, terrified noises every time Kimi hits a sensitive place. His kagune is clinging, clearly looking for something to ground him.

“Like this?” Kimi asks, pressing into the kagune with two fingers and rubbing up as Nishio whimpers. It’s a good motion, soothing and firm.

“Yep. That’s good. Be more gentle the softer it gets, though. Kagune can be really delicate when they’re not just out for fighting. Oh, and try to pick up on what spots give you the best reaction,” you reply.

A few minutes later, Kimi still working the kagune, which is getting softer by the minute, Nishio has started to relax a little more. His noises are turning more pleasure than fear, soft, happy little things that you have the feeling he’d sooner die than let _you_ hear. Kimi’s hands are soft on his kagune, currently rubbing along the little fork at the tip.

It’s then, when she eases back a bit and allows the tail to wind around her wrist that you start to hear something strange.

There’s a faint rumbling sound filling the air, and you smile to yourself, recognizing it instantly. Ghouls, when feeling safe and relaxed, can purr, a strange sound unlike any other animal. It’s more of a clicking, growling rumble than a cat, and it was very common in the training ghouls.

“What’s that?” Kimi asks, pausing just long enough for the kagune to wrap around her arm even more, coiling happily. The sound gets louder as the kagune twists itself close to her, holding on tight.

“He’s purring,” you smile. “Ghouls can purr when they feel safe. I think it’s pretty rare outside of something like this, though, so I can imagine you’ve never heard it before. It means you’re doing a good job. Nishio feels safe with you.” Kimi’s eyes light up as you say it, an excited smile crossing her face. It’s no wonder, as prickly as you’ve known Nishio to be.

“So it’s a good thing”, she muses, petting gently at the softening kagune, which is almost completely lax against her arm.

The tip prods at her fingers, trying to slide against her hand for more contact, and Kimi’s smile turns ridiculously tender. She’s just petting the kagune now, stroking it softly as it coils against her skin.

“There’s one more thing to do, but it’s optional,” you say, interrupting her thoughts, “See where the kakuhou is all red and puffy around where the kagune comes out? It’s _really_ intense for the ghoul, but you can massage there too. It’ll basically flood Nishio with the aggression-reducing brain chemicals, so it’s up to you if you want to,” you explain.

“I will,” Kimi says softly. “I’ve never seen Nishiki so relaxed. I think this is good for him, you know?” She smiles at you, and the kagune in her hands twists close, Nishio still purring loudly, a cracked rumble.

She slowly uncoils the kagune, reaching down to the base of the tail. As soon as she softly brushes the reddened skin, Nishio whimpers, curling up a bit, and you can only imagine how sensitive he is now that he’s fully relaxed. Kimi persists, though, rubbing slow lines against the edge.

Nishio shudders and whines and purrs, and after a long moment of him trying to arch away from her hands, he goes completely limp.

Kimi’s eyes go wide when Nishio collapses against the table, all the tension left in him bleeding out at once, but as his purr gets only louder, the more she presses and rubs at the skin around the kakuhou.

Eventually, when you think that Nishio can’t get any more relaxed without melting into the table, you instruct her on how to ease off, how to keep rubbing his back and stroking his kagune little by little so all the sensation doesn’t vanish at all at once.

Still purring, Nishio leans into every touch, too limp to do much more. He’s completely collapsed from the prickly, aggressive ghoul just a half hour or so ago, and once again, you see how effective the therapy really is.

“Okay, that’s good. He’s going to be a mess for a while now, but I have a room in the back that you can stay with him in until he’s steady enough to get home. Be gentle on him, now, he’s been through a lot today, and he’s going to be all shaky and weak for a while,” you told her.

As soon as Kimi sat next to him, leaving the kagune swaying contendly in the air, Nishio practically attached himself to her.

Face buried in her chest, hands scrabbling and clinging at her back, cracked purr getting even louder as he took in the scent of someone he loved. You only caught glimpse of his face, but what you saw was flushed red, eyes moist and expression contorted into something horribly vulnerable.

He clung to her desperately, scooting about as close as he could get, and as soon as he could manage words, a constant stream of “Kimi, Kimi, Kimi,” slid out of him like water, voice a soft, overwhelmed croak.

You stayed with them long enough for Nishio to be able to stand up, still clinging to Kimi, legs so shaky he had to lean most of his weight on her. She was still rubbing his back, petting his hair, pressing little kisses to his forehead and cheeks, and you were painfully glad that Nishio had someone to rely on while he was vulnerable.

Showing Kimi back to the living space, you left the two of them alone. Nishio had laid down beside Kimi, curling into her like a parentheses around her body, and kept his fragile expression buried in the crook of her neck, purring so loudly that you could hear it from across the room.

Kimi was murmuring tender, soft things to him, still petting his hair and reassuring him that she’d be there with him, and you took that as your cue to leave.

You went back out to the main room and got started on the paperwork for Nishio’s visit, documenting the therapy and how he responded to it. A little over an hour passed, and just as you were finishing up the last of the forms, Nishio and Kimi emerged from the back rooms.

Nishio was dressed again, but his hair was a wild mess, puffed out around his head like a halo. His glasses were on again, but his eyes were glazed and unfocused, red around the edges like he’d been crying. He was swaying on his feet, still mostly leaning on Kimi, who looked incredibly satisfied, holding Nishio up and letting him lean on her.

“Thank you,” Kimi beamed, looking at you like you were a miracle worker. “This helped _so_ much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that relaxed.” She smiled and nudged Nishio. “You say thank you too.”

“Thank you,” Nishio said obediently, but his voice was soft and cracked, nothing like the harsh tones from before.

He sounded wrecked, honestly, and you smiled back at Kimi. The aggressive ones always _melted_ after the therapy. It was exactly why it was considered to be so effective. Nishio had probably needed the gentleness horribly, especially from someone he trusted as much as Kimi.

“Kimi, I wanna go home,” he mumbled, leaning his head onto her shoulder, and Kimi smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

“Okay, we’re going.” She turned to you. “How long is he going to be like this?”

“It varies based on the ghoul,” you replied. “The more aggressive they are, the longer it lasts. He’ll only be out of it like this for a day or two at absolute most, but he’ll be more subdued and gentle for a couple weeks. Oh, and you can come back any time. If he needs or wants the therapy again, I’ll be here to help.” You smiled, and Kimi grinned back, looking delighted.

“Do you hear that, Nishiki? You’re going to be all soft for a while. Won’t that make it easier to deal with humans every day?” she laughed.

Nishio just made a soft noise into her shoulder, still clinging.

“Oh, and come back for his injection, too! I’m sure being able to eat human food will help things too,” you added, and Kimi nodded.

The two of them left after, Kimi practically leading Nishio as he clung to her like a child. You could only imagine what he’d be like later, when his pride caught up with everything that happened.  

They were really a sweet couple, though, and you couldn’t be more glad that you’d helped them. Nishio was one of the aggressive sorts of ghouls who needed the gentle handling, needed to be relaxed into something that wouldn’t be so tight and sharp.

You’d have to show Kimi more on how to work with him.


	3. Apres moi le deluge, after me comes the flood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick chapter! :D A friend challenged me to write 20 pages in three-ish days, soooo ya'll will probably be getting one more quick chapter soon! I'm still having _massive_ amounts of fun with this story, so I expect I'll be pouring a lot more work into it for a while!
> 
> A note on Hinami, who appears in this chapter: Hinami tends to call people older than her "Onee-chan" or "Onii-chan". There isn't really an English equivalent for these words that carries the same connotations, so I left them in Japanese. Also, there isn't a gender neutral term that means the same thing, so I had to choose one for how she refers to the reader. Reader is still canonly gender neutral, though, and please feel free to mentally replace the one I chose with the other word, if it suits you better! I just had to choose one for the sake of the writing. . .

A while later, Kaneki comes to see you again. It’s the first time in a while he’s been able to stop by, and you feel almost worried. After the last couple incidents with him, you’re starting to feel like he’s slipping away from you, lost to the world of ghouls that you can’t reach.

But when he appears at your building, fluffy haired and smiling, you can’t help but relax a bit, pleased to see that he’s been doing alright.

Kaneki explains that he’s been working at the ghoul cafe, doing his part to imitate you and reach out to other ghouls. It’s a sort of safe place, he explains, where weak ghouls can go for food and shelter when they can’t take care of themselves. It’s seemingly the closest thing ghouls themselves have to ghoul services, run by a kind old man who wants to help.

You think the idea is lovely, that ghouls are doing something to help each other and prove the CCG wrong, and you’re even happier when Kaneki tells you that he’s been trying to convince ghouls to visit you.

“Ghoul services can only help ghouls that they know are ghouls, right? So there’s a problem with ones that hide themselves. I’ve been. . . telling the customers about this place, that it’s safe for us, and, well, no one’s really wanted to listen, but I think I got you one new client!” Kaneki is smiling wider than you’ve ever seen him, lighting up his face with the kind of open happiness that’s rare from the quiet, subdued half-ghoul.

“Really? That’s great! Thank you so much for trying so hard,” you say, elated. It’s always been hard to get clients, thanks to how nervous ghouls here are about detection, and having an insider spreading word would _help._

“I wanted to,” Kaneki smiles. “Touka hates that I’ve been spreading word of ‘some human’ to the customers, and she’s kind of hit me a couple times for it. . . but I’m glad I can help! You helped me and Nishio, so I want to help you too.” He looks determined, pleased with himself for trying.

“Don’t get yourself in trouble!” you laugh, amused at how serious Kaneki looks about the situation. He’s making a face like he’s been fighting a battle, and with this Touka person, you can imagine that he has.

“I’m trying not to,” Kaneki smiles. “Yoshimura is okay with it, so Touka really can’t stop me. She just doesn’t like humans very much, is all. Honestly, I think it would help _her_ to see you. . .”

“Probably. I can’t think of a ghoul that some kindness and the therapy wouldn’t help. I mean, even you’re starting to come out of your shell.”

At that, Kaneki goes a bit red, looking down and becoming rather obviously flustered. “I wasn’t _that_ bad. . .” he protests, still half smiling. You have the feeling he hasn’t had many friends to interact with in his life, especially since becoming part ghoul. It’s a shame, really.

You laugh and give in to the urge to tease him a bit, grinning all the more at how Kaneki’s face goes even redder, how he swats you on the shoulder and groans when you start to bring up how shy he was.

It’s hard to tell exactly when Kaneki stopped being a client and started being a friend, but that line has definitely been crossed. There’s something special about him, something that makes you want to help him in ways that aren’t part of your job, and you find it hard not to do just that. Kaneki is sweet and gentle, his smiles are precious, and he’s been nicer to you than almost anyone you’ve ever met. By this point, he’s definitely a friend.

Even so, you have the odd feeling like you’re one of the few people to be properly nice to him. There’s something worryingly fragile about Kaneki’s smiles, and you can’t help but wonder about his life before you. You know he has at least one friend, but something seems just slightly _off._

You dismiss those feelings and try your best to ignore them. Kaneki will tell you things when he wants to, and it’s not your place to pry.

Instead, you thank Kaneki again for making more connections with ghouls, smile at him as wide and happy as you can, and delight in the way that his face lights up at the praise, as if he’s not used to it at all.

“Take me to the coffeeshop sometime too, okay? I want to meet all the ghouls I can help, and save you the trouble of fishing up customers for me,” you say, trying to sound easygoing, like your thoughts aren’t slipping back to Kaneki’s wellbeing, no matter how hard you try to stop them.

“I’d really like to!” Kaneki grins, and you can’t help but smiling back all over again. “I don’t know if the ghouls there would appreciate having a human who knows about them, but you’re really a good person.”

And, okay, your heart is melting a little bit when he says that, all smiles and a soft expression, and you’re _really_ getting attached to this one.

Kaneki tells you that he’ll be bringing in the ghouls he convinced to see you sometime tomorrow, and you happily agree. Your schedule is still generally pretty open, most ghouls only dropping in for a minute at a time, so it’s not a problem at all for Kaneki to just stop by and bring them in.

“Please do! I’ll be sure to do everything I can for them,” you say, happy inside and out. Kaneki nods, and proudly tells you that he’ll tell them all about how helpful your services are. Your smile grows brighter.

Soon enough, Kaneki goes home, and you’re left alone in your office with a small pile of paperwork. It’s not bad, to be by yourself in a place you’ve worked hard to make as inviting and comfortable as possible, and before long, you’ve busied yourself with cleaning and filling out forms. The flowers in the window box need watered. The linens on the guest beds need changed. You have a small stack of forms on ghouls who have visited.

It’s work, but you’re happy, thinking about how much better the ghouls who need your help will feel to have somewhere clean and pleasant to come back to when they need it. That alone makes you smile again.

When you go home for the day, you settle in your temporary apartment and start checking news stories on ghouls, trying to learn about what’s going on in Japan. The words are a little hard for you to keep up with, especially the written parts, but that makes it all the more challenging to figure out what’s being said. You read what you can; take notes.

The conclusions sadly aren’t good. Ghouls are being hunted down everywhere, despite ghoul services’ best attempts to get it to stop.

You go to bed thinking about ghouls, worrying if all the ones you’ve seen lately are still okay, wondering about what kinds of problems you were going to have to face. Your interactions with Kaneki had made you feel a little better, given you a little more hope about the future of ghouls, though.

It still hurt. You couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to live like that, constantly in fear of being killed just for living and needing to eat, having your organs harvested to be used against your kind.

The whole situation is like a horror story, and you’re crying a bit before you can stop yourself, wondering when the cycle of violence will end.

. . .

 The next day, you’ve mostly recovered from your little bout of sadness. You get up early and head to your building, still yawning. You didn’t sleep too well the previous night, and you were already feeling tired, but you had more important things to do than focus on your own problems.

All morning, you tidied up and focused on getting as much of your paperwork as you could out of the way. The kind of client than Kaneki was bringing in would mean that you’d have to handle everything on your own, instead of having ghoul services keep basic records, so you wanted to be ready. It would be easier to keep track of everything if you were ahead.

Finally, you tidied up the therapy rooms, pulling fresh paper over the tables, organizing the mini-fridges and making sure that everything was where it should be, checking how much left you had of your supplies.

It was busy work, really, no better than housework or pointless organization, but it took your mind off of things you wanted to forget.

You didn’t know when Kaneki was bringing the new ghoul, so you didn’t exactly have a way to plan your day. It mostly amounted to doing assorted chores around your building until early afternoon, working on keeping the place clean and welcoming for whoever came in.

A little bit after noon, just after you’d had your own lunch, Kaneki showed up with someone you’d never met before.

The new ghoul was a woman, considerably older than Kaneki, and pretty in a soft, comforting sort of way. Her long hair was pulled to one side and pinned with flower clips, and her outfit was soft and motherly.

And, although you missed it at first, there was a young girl hiding behind her and Kaneki, dressed equally sweetly and with a shy, worried expression etched across her face. She was clinging to the sleeves of both of the adults, practically attached to what you could assume was her mother.

You smiled and introduced yourself, and the woman smiled back. “Fueguchi Ryoko,” she told you her name was, and her daughter, as you’d guessed the girl was, was named Hinami. There was something nervous about the both of them, though, something you couldn’t place and didn’t want to press about. Ghouls tended to be secretive and on edge around humans like you, and the last thing you wanted to do was scare them.

“So, what kind of business does ‘ghoul services’ do?” Fueguchi asked, still seemingly slightly on edge, a note of _something_ in her voice. “Kaneki told us some, but I think it’s better to hear it from you.”

“Ghoul services exists to help ghouls and humans exist beside each other. As ghouls are currently at a disadvantage, we offer aid and resources to them in order to allow them to stand equally with humans. It’s like social services, but targeted specifically for ghouls,” you explain.

Fueguchi makes a tense face, looking worried. “I see. And you don’t have any connection with the CCG, as Kaneki told us?”

“Not a bit,” you say emphatically. “If anything, they hate us for trying to help ghouls. Our work never intersects, and we’re not allowed to interfere with each other’s business. I have no power to _stop_ them, really, but they also can’t do anything to stop me. You’re safe here if that’s what you’re wondering. The CCG never knows about who our clients are.”

Relaxing a bit at that, Fueguchi smiles again, soft, but tense, like there’s worry hiding behind her gentle features. “Hinami,” she says, turning to her daughter, “it’s okay; this person says we’re safe, for now.”

Hinami buries her face in her mother’s back, refusing to look at you. She’s a shy child, you can tell already, probably afraid of humans.

There’s something very wrong about a ghoul being afraid of what would naturally be its prey, you think, and something has gone _very_ wrong for even a child like her to be frightened of someone like you. It’s sad, but you force yourself to remember that this is why you help them.

A moment goes by, silent, Fueguchi looking at her daughter with something like concern. You can tell she’s worried, still hesitant to be around you, and you don’t like it. You’re supposed to be making them feel at ease.

“Ma’am, the main thing I can offer you is an injection,” you start, “it’s a perfectly safe medicine that will allow you to eat human food safely for about a week at a time. I assume things will be easier on you and your daughter if you don’t have to hunt or worry about meat, right?”

The ghoul’s face tightens again, like she’s afraid to trust you, but when Kaneki, who’d been staying out of the way so far, offers her and Hinami a hesitant smile, something in her loosens up ever so slightly.

“Thank you,” she says slowly, softly. “I appreciate you trying to help us. It’s just. . . you’re the first human to know what we are. I’ve never hunted; I’ve always relied on other ghouls to help me, and I’m afraid of what a human who knows our nature could do. I want to protect my daughter more than anything, though, so please, do what you need to to give her the future you talked about.” She bows, slightly, accepting.

Ghouls are mothers too. Ghouls worry for their children, dream of a future where their babies don’t have to live in fear. You know that much already, but it still hurts to see Fueguchi so desperate and weary.

“But, Mom–” Hinami starts, the first you’ve heard her speak, but Fueguchi shushes her, running a gentle hand through her hair.

“It’s okay, Hinami. This person isn’t going to hurt us. We have to trust them if we want to live safely. I’ll protect you, so please, do your best to believe in the person who wants to help us,” she soothes, voice soft.

“It’s safe,” Kaneki interjects, the first thing he’s said so far, “This person has helped me too, and they would never do anything bad. They’re my friend, and I promise it’s safe to trust them.” Patting Hinami’s shoulder softly, Kaneki encourages her to relax and believe that you won’t hurt her.

You guide Fueguchi back to one of the therapy rooms, Hinami following at her heels, and Kaneki settles in one of your chairs to wait.

Fueguchi sits Hinami in the chair in the therapy room, rubbing her back lightly with one hand, and you busy yourself with getting out the supplies for two injections. The medicine jars clink as you handle them, and you see Hinami flinch out of the corner of your eye, see her eyes go wide as you take out a pair of syringes and ready the first one.

“Your mom’s gonna go first, okay?” you say gently. “She’ll prove that it’s safe, so you don’t have to worry when it’s your turn.”

Smiling, Fueguchi rolls up one sleeve and offers her arm to you on your request. She’s shaking a bit as you take her hand, and you can see Hinami half ready to protest what you’re about to do to her.

“These are special needles, see?” you tell Hinami as you slide it into Fueguchi’s arm as gently as you can. “They’re made of a special metal, so they can go into ghouls. They only sting a little bit, kind of like getting a little papercut, right, Fueguchi?” The woman nods, and Hinami relaxes a bit.

The needle goes in, the top of the syringe is pushed down, all with careful precision. You don’t so much as tremble, and you’re positive that Fueguchi felt nothing more than a little pinch in her arm.

Fueguchi smiles and thanks you, telling her daughter that it didn’t hurt a bit. You dispose of the first syringe carefully and ready the second one.

Hinami’s hand is small and cool in yours, and she’s shaking a bit, trembles seeping through into your hands. You smile and tell her everything’s going to be alright, hoping she’ll believe you. “So, Hinami, do you like to read?” you ask, on a hope after seeing a book in her bag earlier.

“Mhmm. I’m not very good with the words, but I like the stories.” Hinami says softly, looking down and still painfully afraid.

“That’s amazing,” you praise, “Could you tell me what your favorite story is?” Hopefully, this will draw her out of her shell a little, get the shy girl to open up and tell you about something she genuinely enjoys.

Hinami smiles a bit, barely visible, and her quiet voice starts on a summary of some book you’ve never heard of. While she’s talking and distracted, you neatly slide the needle in and administer the dose. Hinami wasn’t paying attention, and you’re not sure if she even noticed the injection. Fueguchi smiles from her place beside her daughter.

“Sounds like a great story,” you stand up to dispose of the needle, and Hinami’s eyes go wide, looking down at the spot of blood on her arm.

“Y-You– When–” she says, half worried and half amazed.

“Didn’t hurt a bit, huh?” Smiling at her, you can’t help but grin at the shocked look crossing her face. “That’s how we’re trained to give the injection to ghouls who are afraid. It’s easier to calm down if you’re talking about something you like. It was better than being all scared, wasn’t it?”

Hinami looks at you like she’s not quite sure what to do, but you feel like you’re seeing the faint beginnings of trust in her eyes. Her mother looks pleased, too, in a distant, tired sort of way that you wish was different.

“Would you please tell me more about the story next time, Hinami?” you ask, looking at her directly, and Hinami’s eyes go wide and round.

“You want to know more, Onee-chan?” she asks, looking at you like no one has ever asked her that before. Somehow, you have a feeling that’s exactly how it’s been. Ghouls tend not to have the easiest lives, after all.

“Of course. I’d love to hear all about your favorites. I’m not very good at Japanese either, so maybe you could even teach me a few words.” You smile, and Hinami’s face lights up. She’s smiling at you in an instant, a soft, hesitant expression that looks perfect on her gentle face.

“Isn’t that nice, Hinami?” Fueguchi chimes in, looking delighted. “You’ve made a friend. We’ll be seeing them again, you know?”

Hinami nods, pleased, and tells her mother than she has to go tell “Onii-chan” that she’s made a reading friend, running off as soon as her mother approves. Fueguchi smiles, and it looks a little less forced.

“Do you need anything else while you’re here, ma’am?” you ask, once Hinami is out of the room. “Ghoul services can help with anything from assisting you with human food, to kagune therapy and arranging for a safe place to live. I’d be happy to do what I can for you.”

“Kagune therapy?” Fueguchi questions. “What’s that?”

“It’s like a specialized massage for ghouls,” explaining again “It’s typically used to reduce aggression and make ghouls better equipped to live with humans, but for a more relaxed ghoul like yourself, it would be like a very pleasant massage. Perhaps it would be nice to relax a bit?” you offer.

Fueguchi smiles again, the expression worn and tired across her face. “That might be for the best. . .” She pauses, looks down, clasps her hands. “I lost my husband not too long ago, you know. Humans hunted him down, and now Hinami is left without a father, and I’m left with no one to take care of me. . . I want to do better for her, and maybe I just need to face things.”

“Yes. . . um, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose someone like that. I promise, I’m working to make sure ghouls don’t have to go through those things anymore.”

You barely know what to say. It’s horrifying, that the father and husband of such gentle ghouls would be killed for seemingly no reason. It was no small wonder that Hinami didn’t trust you.

Fueguchi thanks you, and with a wan smile, agrees to the kagune therapy, requesting that she tell Hinami about it first.

Once Hinami has been informed of what’s happening, Fueguchi slips back into your therapy room, happily telling you that Hinami and Kaneki are reading together. You avert your eyes, and Fueguchi slides open her dress, laying down on the table without the slightest bit of fuss.

“What kind of kagune do you have?” you ask, already thinking about how you’re going to help her. You _want_ to do your absolute best here.

She tells you that she’s a Koukaku, adjusts her hair so it won’t be in the way, and lays down, looking so tired that you almost wish you could go back to Nishio’s prickly behavior from before. This just makes you worry.

You place your hands on Fueguchi’s back and start to rub, working first from neck to shoulder blades, and then from lower back up. Her muscles are a painfully knotted mass of tension and pain, and you draw out a couple pained groans from her just from rubbing at the skin.

Wincing in sympathy, you knead at a particularly tight spot, hating the way Fueguchi flinches when you dig your fingers into the muscle.

You can’t imagine how tense this poor woman has been to be knotted up so badly, how miserable she must feel just standing and walking, and suddenly, her tense, worn smiles make a lot more sense.

Just working out the first of the deeply ingrained knots seems to be making a difference, little sighs slipping out of Fueguchi whenever you hit a particularly tense place in her back, whenever you work out another lump of tension that has to reduce the pain in her body significantly.

When you finally reach kakuhou, pressing down on the soft skin in between Fueguchi’s shoulder blades, the woman absolutely shudders, going soft under your hands in an instinctive gesture of submission that even a human can understand. She’s such a gentle ghoul, so averse to fighting back under any circumstances that even pressure on the most delicate part of her body just makes her give up and submit to the person doing it to her.

You stroke over the little dip lightly, gently, hoping that you’ll be able to make these little moments of discomfort worth it for her.

Fueguchi shivers and makes a soft sound into her arms. You try to reassure her, quoting lines from your training that explain what you’re doing and why it feels so intense. The woman’s kakuhou is tense and twisted up, clearly sore from disuse, and you wonder when she last used her kagune.

“It’s alright, ma’am. This won’t hurt you. It’ll feel intense for a little bit, but it’ll get better. I won’t do anything that will hurt.” You punctuate you words with a light press around the edge of her tightened kakuhou.

A bit of red fluid is dripping down her back, her kakuhou refusing to loosen up and allow the kagune to escape. By your estimate, it’s been _years_ since she used the organ, and that alone is a worrying thought. Kagune are meant to be used and stretched, allowed to extend and relax, and keeping one retracted for so long won’t do anything but make it stiff and painful.

Koukaku especially are prone to stiffening up, their heavy, solid nature lending them a tendency to go tight, to become sore and hard to move.

But keeping a Koukaku within one’s body for as long as you’re guessing Fueguchi has is a worrying prospect. It will probably ache horribly to let the poor thing extend, even if it will do it better in the long run.

“Fueguchi, your kakuhou seems very stiff. Do you not use your kagune often?” you ask, trying not to be rude or ask about the wrong things.

“N-No,” she stutters, voice sounding half gone, “I haven’t. . . had to h-hunt in years. . .” Well, that answers your questions. Overusing a kagune can make it sore, like with any muscle, but not letting it out will be just as unpleasant in the long run, when it gets too used to being retracted.

“Okay, then this might not feel so good for a little bit. Your kagune isn’t used to coming out, so it’s going to be sort of stiff. I’m very sorry if this hurts a bit, but it needs to come out and relax. It’s not healthy to keep it retracted for so long at a time, alright?” you say as gently as you can.

Fueguchi makes a soft, affirming sound, and with that, your mind made up, you press down more firmly around the kakuhou.

Rubbing in a soft, coaxing motion, you try to loosen up the muscle, allow the kagune room to escape and spread. There are the faintest wisps of tips extending from her kakuhou already, cells not quite deciding if they have room to form, and you wince. This is going to be tough.

Working along the edge of the kakuhou, you slowly ease it open, pressing and rubbing and helping the tight muscle to relax. Fueguchi shakes like the direct contact to such tender skin is already much too intense.

Eventually, when your fingers are soaked with red, when your hands are starting to get sore from keeping up such delicate motions on such tender skin, you press just hard enough to make the kakuhou release.

All at once, in a rush of RC cells, Fueguchi’s kagune explodes out of her back, forming in an instant just as you pull back from her kakuhou.

What you can see of it so far looks like large, curled up petals, pale cream in color, red circles breaking the skin on the upper wings. They’re beautiful and thick, healthy even with the disuse, and a massive amount of tension leaves Fueguchi’s body when they finally stretch to their full length.

The petals of her kagune are absolutely massive, stretching wide around her body where she lays on the table, and you have to pause for a moment and think of where to start. Koukaku aren’t usually wing-shaped, and Ukaku aren’t usually so solid, so it’s going to take some careful testing to figure out what kind of motion will relax the massive wings properly.

Starting from the base, where tense “liquid muscle” joins with skin is probably the best idea, and when you press into the kagune there, Fueguchi jerks and makes a soft, hurt noise. It has to be painful, to have kept her kagune curled up for so long, and as much as your heart wants you to do the opposite, you dig your fingers in and start to massage at the wings, pressing in deep and firm as they spread and twitch unhappily at your touch.

As you work, the wings start to spread, like petals unfurling from a flower. Fueguchi’s kagune is beautiful, really, and it’s a shame it’s had to be kept curled up and aching for so long, unable to properly unfurl.

Slowly, little by little, you ease the wings out of their curl, massaging up from the base and working them out to their full length as you go. Koukaku tend to be heavy and unwieldy, and Fueguchi is no different. Her petals are massive, even soft, and have a heavy weight to them.

When the bottom pair of wings have been uncurled, you turn your attention to the upper ones, the ones with the exposed, red circles towards the tops of them. That part looks painfully sensitive, all exposed nerves and raw, sensitive tissue. You’re almost afraid to touch there, considering how sensitive and knotted the rest of Fueguchi’s kagune is.

Eventually, though, you reach those tender circles, pulsing in time with the ghoul’s heartbeat. They look achingly sensitive, red and exposed.

The first brush of your fingers against the soft tissue has Fueguchi shuddering, making a little whine into her arms. It’s soft, wet with RC fluid, and you can only imagine how tender these circles must be when relaxed.

A hint of pressure makes Fueguchi flinch. A soft stroke makes her whimper. A little circle against the tender skin makes her go almost limp. Her poor, knotted kagune is twitching unhappily, fully extended but still painfully tense, and you wince a bit. This is going to take a while.

Once again working from the base of the bottom set of wings, you start working out the knots in earnest. It’s painfully obvious already that Fueguchi never uses her kagune; it’s stiff and unsure of how to relax.

Slowly, carefully, unconsciously making little, soothing noises as you go, you dig into the tense muscle, easing out knot after knot and trying to get the flesh to relax. Since her kagune is a heavy Koukaku, it can’t curl around your hands, but the more you touch it, the more you can feel the petals leaning up into your touch. Unfortunately, touch starvation is just one more thing that Japanese ghouls tend to have in common.

Fueguchi goes more and more limp the longer you work, kagune slowly becoming the only part of her that can properly move. You can imagine that there’s a heaviness weighing down her limbs, the massive amounts of brain chemicals being released getting to her quickly.

What really makes kagune therapy so effective is what it does to ghouls’ brains; the calming, relaxing chemicals that flood them from it.

It’s those chemicals that tame aggression, make even the most vicious ghouls soft and willing to get along. It feels amazing physically, yes, but the gentle handling and soft touches do just as much to turn a ghouls’ brain to jelly. It’s worlds more effective than hurting them, and does no harm.

As you finally get the bottom set of wings worked out, as you feel them softening and relaxing at last, most of the knots being worked out of the muscle that you hear it. Softly, unsteadily, Fueguchi is starting to purr.

That alone brings a smile to your face. A purr means that your client is starting to feel safe and relaxed, starting to open up to the therapy.

In Fueguchi’s case, it also means that her kagune is starting to hurt less. The poor thing was so knotted up, you can’t imagine that it felt good to get every knot worked out, but now that it’s soft, you would bet that it feels worlds better to have the muscle eased out of its painful stiffness.

You ease up on the bottom set of petals, allowing them to fan out happily, visibly more relaxed than when you started, smooth and soft now that you’ve worked out every painful knot you could find in them.

Onto the upper set of wings, where the red circles are still bright and tender, you start from the base again, working out knots and tension.

Fueguchi is still purring, getting louder little by little, and that reassures you to some degree. You had been worried that working on her kagune would be painful, thanks to how out of use it had been, and yet, a purr is proof that a ghouls feels relaxed and safe around you.

The upper wings are knotted just as badly, tense and miserably tight. The RC cells seem half unsure of how to form, unused to reaching their full shape and out of practice at staying solid and stretched out.

But Fueguchi slowly, slowly relaxes. Her body underneath the wings is limp and soft, visibly given in to your ministrations, and her wings are starting to quiver just a bit, leaning into your touch. You can imagine that it feels awfully good to have all the tension worked out of her wings, to have the massive organs finally relax and stretch out like they’re meant to.

Eventually, you get through the majority of the knots, and move on to just petting and relaxing the petals. They slowly soften under your touch, flexing contentedly now that they’re getting used to movement and freedom. Fueguchi sighs a bit, shakily, and you run your fingers over the smooth skin.

It probably feels wonderful to have her kagune handled properly, relaxed and stretched out how its meant to be. The poor woman was painfully tense, and you _know_ you’re doing her good just through this.

Finally, when you think that Fueguchi has probably relaxed as much as she can, when you think that most of the knots in her kagune are gone, you decide to finish up. You turn your attention back to the sensitive, red circles that had gotten you such a strong reaction a few minutes ago.

Now that she’s relaxed, the little circles might be even more sensitive, if the way Fueguchi shudders when you brush against one is any sign.

Her purr deepenes when you rub at one, her body goes limp when you trace the edges, and you can only imagine how sensitive those little dots must be. It seems to feel good, though, and Fueguchi keeps purring.

You spend a few minutes just working over the sensitive circles, and after just a moment or two of touching them, the petals start leaning into your hands, tender, but trusting you not to do harm. The poor woman probably needed the relaxation, all things considered.

Kagune halfway move on their own. When their owner is focused and trying to control them, they act as any other limb, but they tend to act on their own when left out. It’s half instinctive for them to press into positive touch, for them to sway and curl and stretch unconsciously, and you know by now that an overly relaxed ghoul can only barely control them.

Fueguchi seems to have hit that point where she can’t do anything more to keep them under her control, twitching all on their own.

You start easing back after just a few moments of direct contact to the tender, red circles. Reducing your touch to just a few, slow strokes against the smooth, creamy skin of the petals, you started to ease Fueguchi out of the more intense feelings of contact against the most sensitive parts.

When you finally slip away, Fueguchi’s purr drops a notch. It probably felt wonderful to be taken care of, especially after all the hardships she’s been through, and you regret that you couldn’t just keep helping her.

“It’s over now, Fueguchi,” you say softly, “I’m all done working with your kagune, and I hope it feels better for you now.”

“H-Huh? Oh. . . th-thank you. . .” she gets out, buts she looks dizzy and out of it, obviously feeling the effects of all the chemicals rushing through her brain. Fueguchi isn’t an aggressive ghoul, so the subdued feeling shouldn’t last long, but it’s on shaky arms that she tries to sit up.

Eyes glazed and shoulders shaking, Fueguchi manages to get herself upright. Her kagune hands behind her, soft and trembling just as badly.

“C-Call Hinami, please,” she says, voice so quiet you can barely hear it, but you comply, poking your head out of the room to tell Hinami that her mother needs her. The girl is at the door in an instant, wide eyed.

As soon as Hinami is in the room, Fueguchi calls her over. Hinami, looking beyond worried, steps closer, and is pulled into a close hug by her mother. Fueguchi buries her face in her daughter’s hair, a look of pure contentment seeping across her face like ink on a page.

“M-Mom. . . are you okay?” Hinami asks, obviously concerned.

“Yes, Hinami. I feel. . . sort of t-tired, but it’s alright. That person was very nice to me. When you get a little older, I think it would be good for you, too. I love you so much, my wonderful daughter. . .” Fueguchi mumbles into Hinami’s hair, still holding her daughter close. Ghouls tend to get clingy when relaxed, and her child’s smell probably makes her feel all the safer.

At those words, Hinami relaxes a bit, leaning into her mother’s embrace. “If you say so. . . I believe you,” she mumbles, returning the hug and pressing in close to her mother’s chest, where she knows its safe.

You excuse yourself and leave the two to comfort each other. It isn’t your place to intrude on such a close relationship, after all.

“Did it go okay?” Kaneki asks when you step out into the main room. He’s still holding a book; probably the one that Hinami brought with her. It’s sweet that he’s been willing to entertain her for this long.

“Yep. Fueguchi is feeling much better now, I think. Hopefully Hinami will trust me a little now that I’ve helped her mom. . .” you reply, trailing off at the end a bit. You realize that Hinami is just a little shy, but it still hurts to see a child acting like she’s terrified of you for no reason.

“She’s a shy kid,” Kankei says, smiling. “We didn’t exactly hit it off at first, either, but she’ll warm up to you eventually. She hasn’t really been out much, so it’s hard for her to keep up with social things. She isn’t used to interacting with people other than her family.” That makes a lot of sense. You can imagine that she’s one of the ghouls who have had to stay in hiding.

“Yeah, I figured. Here’s hoping we can make a difference, though.” Kaneki smiles even wider at that, looking at you like he’s amazed.

Somehow, you’ve been earning the trust of skittish ghouls already, and hopefully, Hinami will be no different. She already seems to like Kaneki, and making progress with her mom will hopefully do some good.

Fueguchi and Hinami emerge after a few minutes. Fueguchi seems a bit unsteady, but is practically glowing with relaxation, and her kagune has fully retracted into her back, like it was never there. She’s leaning on her daughter, smiling softly, and there’s something much more genuine about her expression than a few minutes ago. Hinami even looks halfway content, looking down with a little grin like she’s just starting to realize they’re safe.

“We’ll be going now,” Fueguchi says, “Thank you so much for your help.” She gives you a little bow, and nudges Hinami to do the same.

The two of them gather their things and leave, Hinami giving you a little wave as they slip out the door. Kaneki excused himself too, explaining that he was supposed to escort them to and from the ghoul cafe. He smiles, thanks you again for being so helpful, and dashes off to catch up.

You’re pleased, really. You did a lot to help Fueguchi, and when her and her daughter hopefully return next week, maybe you’ll be able to make more progress with Hinami as well, bring her a little closer to trusting you.

While you were talking, you also arranged another time for Kaneki to come in for you to work on his kagune. It had become an almost weekly occurrence for the two of you, Kaneki obviously trusting you more and more, and there had been a notable difference in his attitude since you started working on it more frequently, Kaneki seemingly clearly more relaxed.

He was the only ghoul who had subjected himself to that with any regularity, unfortunately, but it was better than nothing.

You settled yourself in at your desk, pulling out the forms for Fueguchi and Hinami’s visit, and go to work. You were still busy, and you had to be ready for when your next client came in for your help.

 . . .

A couple hours later, when you’ve moved on to tidying up and working on assorted e-mails, Kaneki and Hinami burst into your office.

Red-faced and watery eyed, the two them are panting hard, horrified looks etched onto their faces. They practically collapse onto the floor, Kaneki trying to hold Hinami up, before his own limbs give out and he falls too.

“Um, is something wrong?” you ask, rushing over to the door and kneeling next to them. Already you have a feeling it’s not good.

Kaneki shudders, visible eye twitching and face contorting like he’s about to burst into tears. Hinami does that for him, tears streaking her face before you can do anything to comfort her, huge, wracking sobs shaking her little body as she curls into a little ball and cries so hard it looks like it hurts.

“Mom– Mom’s dead!” she chokes out, voice shaking horribly through the sobs that look like they’re overpowering her tiny, fragile self.

“What!? Fueguchi!? Kaneki, what happened?” you demand, a sinking, awful feeling crashing down on your insides like a wave. You– You saw her just a little bit ago, and now she, she can’t be _dead_ just like that.

“Ghoul investigators,” Kaneki gets out, voice hollow and quiet. His hands are trembling. “We– We need somewhere s-s-safe to stay. C-Can we, rest here f-for a little bit?” He barely finishes the sentence before bursting into tears himself, burying his head in his hands and shaking shaking _shaking_ like he’s going to fall apart in front of you.

Oh. That makes way too much sense. Fueguchi had told you that her husband had been killed not too long ago, and now they found Fueguchi and Hinami too. Rage lances through you, fierce boiling heat through every inch.

But you can’t do that. You have to stay calm and help. You have a job to do, no matter what your personal feelings are on the matte.

No matter how badly you want to _gut_ whatever investigator did this.

“You’re both going to be alright,” you sooth, reaching out a hand to rub Kaneki’s shoulder, gentle and comforting even as you feel like killing something. “You’ll be safe here. The CCG isn’t allowed to touch our clients.”

Kaneki nods, but he’s still crying, and Hinami has moved on to near wailing, huge, painful cries like her little body can’t possibly hold it all.

“Okay, okay, you’re gonna be okay, Hinami,” you croon, scooting closer to her and rubbing her back, tentatively, so she can pull away from the contact if she still feels uncomfortable with you so close.

Instead, in an instant, you have a lap full of ghoul child, Hinami pressing herself in close to your chest before either you or Kaneki can do anything else. She bawls into your shirt, soaking it with tears, and her skinny little back _shakes_ under your comforting hands.

Moving half on instinct, you scoop her up, inching back to rest against a wall, all while cradling her against your chest, as close as she wants to be.

“Shhhh, Hinami, sweetie, I know. It’s scary, I know. You’re going to be alright. You’re safe here. Your mama kept you safe, and she’s gonna be so happy that her baby is safe and well. We’ll protect you. You’re going to be okay here.” You’re quickly flipping over into crisis mode, trying to do what you can to calm the poor girl down before she makes herself sick.

Hinami clings to your chest and sobs, shuddering and shaking at every soft word. You imagine that you still smell a bit like her mom, and that must be why she’s latching onto you while she’s still so afraid.

“Kaneki, I’ll be right back. I’m going to take Hinami to the back room, and if you can follow us, go ahead. She’s little, so I need to make sure she’s okay first.” He nods, still crying into his arm, and you take that as as much of a yes as you’re going to get.

Carefully, slowly, you stand up, keeping Hinami close to your chest as you go. She’s small, worryingly light, and it’s easy to carry her to the back.

She holds onto you the whole time, grasping at your shirt with tiny, strong little hands, clawing at your back as her grief shakes her. You ease the two of you down onto the bed, pulling the freshly laundered blanket around the two of you and allowing her to curl up close to you and cry.

You wrap the blanket around the two of you, making a dark little cocoon that will hopefully calm Hinami down a little bit. Ghouls are partial to small, dark spaces, particularly when they’re upset, and feeling like she’s hidden from the world should do something to help her. You rub her back, run soft fingers through her hair, and let little Hinami cry herself out, clinging to you and trying to press ever closer the whole time.

You’re furious, beyond so. How humans could possibly take away the mother of such a little girl is beyond you, especially when Fueguchi admitted to you herself that she hadn’t hunted in years. It just wasn’t _fair._

It’s times like this that you hate your species and everything they do to ghouls. Ghouls never asked to exist, never asked to only be able to eat humans, and it will never be their fault that they have to live. You’d choke the CCG yourself if you could, if it meant keeping ghouls like Hinami safe.

Eventually, your soft words and gentle touches seem to do some good, though, and Hinami slowly starts to relax against you.

Some combination of exhaustion, grief, and comfort drags her into sleep, and when the strong little hands finally ease their grip on your shirt, you try not to start to cry yourself. Hinami _never_ deserved this.

You finally manage to extract yourself from the little girl’s grip, carefully sliding yourself away from her. You wrap the blankets around her close, leaving all but her face covered and cocooned, hoping she’ll feel safer wrapped up in a more comfortable environment for a ghoul.

Back in the office, Kaneki is still slumped over on the floor, crying. He’s taken off his eyepatch, revealing the permanently black-red eye, and you sit down next to him, sliding in close and wrapping an arm around his skinny shoulders.

“It’s going to be okay. Hinami’s alright. You’re alright. Everything will get better.” You know it’s empty words, but you can’t think of anything better. You feel helpless, useless, and all you can do is fall back to crisis training and croon stupid lines that have been fed to you for years. It won’t help. None of it will help. None of it will bring Hinami’s mother back.

“Hinami didn’t see her die,” Kaneki whispers, sounding like he’s painfully close to falling apart. “I covered her eyes.”

You instantly know what he’s getting at, and you pull him into a hug before you can stop yourself. You distantly realize it’s the first time you’ve hugged him, and that though almost makes _you_ cry too.

“I’m so sorry, Ken. You shouldn’t have had to see that. I’ll keep her safe. I’ll keep both of you safe. No one will hurt you again while I’m here.” A fierce protectiveness is rising in you. You’ve always _known_ how ghouls live here, but seeing it first hand makes you want to slaughter anyone at fault.

Ken sniffles, quietly, and slowly leans his head forward to rest against your chest. Your heart promptly shatters.

Tears slipping out into his hair, you squeeze Ken close to you. The boy melts like he hasn’t been hugged in years, and for all you’ve handled his kagune, this seems like the most intimate moment with him yet.

You sit there with Ken until the sky is dark, holding him close to you, running your hand up and down his back. Ken’s tears slowly ease, evening out into little shakes, and your anger slowly dies down into something simmering and cold, boiling deep in your chest.

Reality is slowly sinking in; the cold, hard truth that you were one of the last people to see Fueguchi alive. It hurts. Your whole chest feels heavy.

“Staying here tonight?” you ask, when Ken has finally cried himself out. He nods against your chest, dark hair tickling your neck.

“Okay. That’s just fine. I’ll go get some spare blankets out of the storage closet, and we’ll sleep in the back room with Hinami, alright? I don’t want her to wake up alone.” Your voice is soft, thin with grief.

“Mhmm.” Ken’s is even worse. You can’t imagine what it’s like to see someone die, to have to cover their child’s eyes when it happens.

You ease yourself away from Ken, and head back to get out enough blankets for the two of you. You make a little nest on the floor, padding it as soft as you can with every blanket you have to spare.

Once you have a sufficiently padded little bed, you help Ken back to the room, easing his half limp, worn out body back to the pile.

He sinks into the blankets more like he’s collapsing, wriggling under and into the softness, visibly trying to hide. Ghoul instinct is a powerful thing, especially in times of stress, and on a guess, you lay down a little closer to him than you were originally intending to.

You _see_ the moment Ken takes a breath in, the moment his ghoul eye goes wide and bloodshot, the moment he inches closer to you and inhales.

He trusts you. Your scent is something familiar and safe. He’s leaning into you like you really could protect him.

Your chest aches.

Ken is curled up close to you, breathing in your scent and burying his face in the crook of your neck. His tears slow, fade, little by little, and you’re left holding a limp, exhausted mess of a half ghoul.

You hate how helpless you are, how little you can do to protect the ghouls that you care about. Your building may be a safe place, but you’re so limited. It hurts, to be able to do nothing but stand by and watch as those that you help are hunted down by your own kind.

At least you can do this much. If nothing else, you can protect Ken from his own head, protect Hinami from the monster her grief will become.

The last thing you hear before you sleep is a quiet, shaky purr.


	4. Oh, I don't want to be alone, I want to find a home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I RETURN. Long story short, I've been through some shit since I last updated. I started college, broke up with a severely abusive bf, had a friend of over three years (who was helping me with this fic) stab me in the back, among other things. I live, though, and I intend to keep updating! :D
> 
> This chapter is on the shorter side, but there should be another update in another couple of days! I was planning to make one, longer chapter, but then the first part wound up being nearly 7,000 words. Thus, I split it into two, and the second part is already like 1/3 done. Chapter 4 here is mostly fixing the aftermath of what happened in Chapter 3 with Hinami, as well as working in the beginnings of Touka's section. It's kind of a fluffy chapter, and a good break from the earlier pain. 
> 
> Also! My estimate for how long this is going to be is getting longer and longer. I'm now three chapters ahead of my initial estimate. . . which means I have at least 16 more chapters plotted out. And that still doesn't cover everything I want to happen. 
> 
> I'm kind of in a TG mood now too, so maybe I'll write a bunch before my brain switches over to something else! Comments will always always motivate me, so if you like the fic, please tell me what you think of it <3
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

Even after Ken goes home, Hinami stays with you. The poor girl is clearly traumatized, and for some reason, it’s impossible to get her to pull away from you, even while she seems terrified of everything you represent. 

After the first night, when Hinami clung to you like you were her lifeline, she became distant, refusing to talk and spending hours at a time curled up in your spare bedroom, a miserable blanket lump that wouldn’t budge for anything. Her face had developed a blank look, empty eyed and worryingly closed off. You didn’t like seeing someone so young so empty.

You don’t like it at all, but she seems to have closed herself off to humans, looking at even you like you want to hurt her. 

However, she still refused to leave you. Ken had stopped by twice since the incident, offering to take her back to the ghoul cafe both times, but Hinami had refused. For some reason, she wanted to stay with you, and you didn’t have the heart to deny the poor girl anything after what happened. 

It was day three of Hinami staying with you, and you had more or less figured out that she wasn’t leaving. You had a ghoul child now. 

On the first day, you’d thought of something. You hadn’t had time to clean Fueguchi’s therapy room before the. . . incident happened, and it would definitely still smell like her, would continue to for at least a week. 

When you’d showed Hinami to the room where her mom had been, she started crying all over again; slow, dripping tears that ran down her face even as the rest of her was perfectly still. You could only imagine what it was like, with a ghoul’s senses, to be that close to someone you’d lost. 

Unwilling to make Hinami leave, you’d set up a little bed on the floor of the therapy room, a blanket nest of the softest and best you had. Hinami hadn’t left the room in two days, not even to eat, and you were starting to get worried. It was fair, more than fair that she was upset, but it couldn’t be healthy to hole up somewhere dark and small and pretend like the rest of the world didn’t exist. Especially not for a child as young as Hinami. 

You’d taken to sitting in the therapy room, reading to Hinami and working on your paperwork close to her. You didn’t want to leave her alone.

The only times Hinami had left her little blanket nest so far were to crawl closer to you when you sat on the floor next to her. You couldn’t imagine why. The poor girl seemed to be  _ terrified  _ of humans now, and yet, for some reason, she remained glued to your side whenever possible. 

Every time, she’d attached herself to you, burying her face in your chest and crying silent tears. She’d barely spoken since right after Ken had brought her back to you, hadn’t had enough energy left in her for it. 

In a way, you missed the big, painful sobs of the first night. At least they seemed more alive than this, less like she was empty without her mother beside her. You didn’t like Hinami not talking, not reacting. Even constant tears would have been easier for you to help her with. 

But you didn’t have much of a choice. All you could do was sit with Hinami and keep her company, keep her away from the worst of her grief. You knew it was all too possible for a person to be eaten up by despair when they lost someone important to them, just as Hinami had. 

And you would  _ never  _ quit considering ghouls to be “people” too.

With Hinami occupying one of your rooms, and you unable to quit work because of having to take care of her, you were forced to keep your clients to the one room. You were still seeing ghouls here and there, and it wasn’t easy to balance taking care of Hinami with your work. 

Ghoul services, when you’d reported Fueguchi’s death, weren’t happy. That was the kind of thing that they actively worked to prevent. 

The situation with ghoul services and the CCG was a tense one. Existing like parallel lines, there was just enough legal room for your organization to do their work. You weren’t allowed to interfere with the CCG’s investigations or force them to stop their work, but they also couldn’t get in your way or force out information about your clients. 

The general idea, currently, was that both sides had to exist without attacking each other. Ghoul services wouldn’t push too hard for the CCG to stop their work, and in return, the CCG wouldn’t interfere with yours. 

You’d learned that Hinami and her family had been targets of the CCG for a while now, and that it was very likely that they’d come after her. 

You’d accepted that Hinami would be staying with you for a while. 

The conflict had yet to happen, but in theory, a ghoul that was directly involved with ghoul services would be safe from the CCG. Considering that you were there because of agreements between Japan and other countries, you knew that forcing their way into one of your establishments to kill a ghoul would violate all  _ kinds  _ of agreements between the higher powers.

While the agreements were still tense, tentative, there was a developing agreement that ghouls had more rights than humans had allotted them so far. Japan was one of the few countries that hadn’t joined the sentiment yet, and it was a work in progress getting them to change. 

There were certain rights that thinking, feeling creatures had, and ghouls, as smart as humans in every way, definitely fell under the umbrella of creatures that didn’t deserve to be killed for trying to exist. 

Sickeningly, it made you think of big cats being hunted to extinction by humans, killed for nothing more than being there and being a target. 

Humans always did have the unfortunate tendency to put down what was seen as dangerous. 

Forcing those feelings out of your mind, you went back to thinking on  what to do about Hinami. It wouldn’t do at all to let her stew in her grief, and as her new caretaker (as you’d figured the role you’d been left with was), you didn’t want her to stay how she was and suffer. 

So, one day when Ken was away for his work at Anteiku, and Hinami had spent most of the morning half in your lap, resting uneasily through small waves of misery, you suggested something new.

“Hey, Hinami,” you said, giving her thin shoulders a gentle nudge. Hinami looked up from where her face was pressed to your stomach, sad, brown eyes still watery. “Let’s go somewhere today. You’ve been inside for a while; I think it would do us both some good to get out. Want to go see if we can find anywhere nearby to eat?” You smiled, hoping to sound convincing. 

Hinami’s little nose scrunched up a bit, face shadowed in the dim light of the room. “But. . . isn’t that dangerous?” she finally mumbled. “Mom never wanted me to go outside.” You could  _ feel  _ your heart breaking. 

“No, not at all,” you smiled, trying to seem reassuring. “I’m with Ghoul Services, so I can keep you safe. No one will be allowed to hurt you.”

“Mm,” Hinami hummed, pressing her face back against the soft part of your stomach. “You can do what you want, Onee-chan.” Nope. Nope. That was absolutely not going to stand. No more sad ghoul children today. 

“But Hinami,” you pressed, “it’ll be fun! You haven’t tried cake yet, have you? We can go to a nice cafe and get you a slice with lots of strawberries. Aren’t you curious about what it’ll taste like?” Come on, you thought to Hinami, please smile. You were so sick of seeing her miserable. 

Your words earned you a curious look. Not a smile, but a big step closer to one. “. . . okay,” she finally said, wrapping her arms around you.

In a another attempt to lighten the mood, you scooped Hinami up in your arms, still slightly concerned by how small she was. She squeaked, clinging to you tighter, and you carried her to the front door with ease. When you plopped her down on her feet, she actually giggled. 

“Well? Am I strong enough to protect you?” you teased, delighting in the little grin that earned you, Hinami’s face lighting up. 

“Not as strong as a ghoul, Onee-chan,” she said, leaning forwards to hug you again. The poor girl had been practically joined at your hip since the incident with her mother, much like how she’d clung to Ryouko at first. 

“Ah! I’m insulted!” you laughed, squeezing her tight. This was better, so much better than tears. “. . . I’ll still take you to a bookstore, though.” 

“Really?” Hinami’s eyes lit up, and within seconds, she was tugging at your hand, trying to drag you outside, suddenly overcome with excitement. It was natural for her to be sad after what happened, you knew, but children couldn’t be left to wallow in grief. Keeping her mind off things would do her some good while she processed what had happened to her. 

The next hour or so is probably the most fun Hinami has had in years.

You walk with her to the closest cafe you can find and order the sweetest, richest cake on the menu for her. It’s strawberry, just like Hinami has talked about seeing while she was with her mom, and her face lights up like she’s having a supernatural experience when she takes her first bite. 

You tease her a bit, wipe icing off her cheeks, and treasure the little grin that earns you. You give her a bite of your own chocolate piece, and the noise Hinami makes at the taste is nothing short of rapturous. 

From there, you walk around with her a bit more, teaching her the names of the streets nearby and how to read them.

The next place you stop is a bookstore, and Hinami is practically vibrating with excitement when you let her go, telling her that she can pick out any three books she wants. An older man laughs at the sight, remarking on what a cute daughter you have. You don’t think he’s entirely wrong.

Hinami chooses a book of European fairy tales, a slim book of Japanese poetry, and a Kanji dictionary that’s as thick as three fingers. She’s smiling like she’s never been happier, thanking you for buying them. 

On the way home, you let Hinami carry her own bag, which she clings to like something precious. She’s gone back to talking animatedly, informing you exactly how much she knows about the subjects she chose. You nod along, remarking that she’ll have to help you with them as well. 

You’re only a couple blocks from home when you run into a ghoul.

Dark haired and petite, she appears to be little more than a teenager. Her kakugan are activated, black-red eyes burning terrified, furious holes in you, and her posture is just off enough that you can tell something is wrong. 

What shocks you the most, though, is that Hinami immediately breaks away from you and runs up to the ghoul. 

“Onee-chan!” she yelps, sounding terrified. “Your eyes! We’re outside, so you can’t do that.” Hinami is frantic, and you can guess why. If she knows this ghoul, she’d be terrified of losing anyone else. 

You think to yourself that you’re lucky this is a side street, where few people are out in the day time. Lucky for the ghoul, at least. 

“It’s okay, Hinami” the other ghoul says, trying to sound reassuring, but coming out strained. “I just got a little worked up. They’ll go back soon.”

Hinami immediately protests, tugging at the older ghoul’s sleeve with panic. You give it just a moment before you step in and say something. “Um, are you alright?” you ask the ghoul, suspicious of how tired she sounds.  

As if she just noticed you for the first time, the girl’s eyes narrow. You make a quick guess that she’s the kind of ghoul that hates humans, which, judging by the tense in her posture, seems to be true. She snarls a bit, taking a step back and making a face like she wants you dead. 

You see just a trace of RC cells forming around her back, far too slow, too unsure to be normal, before Hinami gives her an angry shove. 

“Onee-chan, stop it! This is the person who’s been helping me. Onii-chan told you!” she squeaks, and the RC cells slowly disappear. Understanding shines in the ghoul’s eyes, but she still looks furious.

“I’m  _ fine, _ ” she says emphatically, glaring daggers. It’s at that moment that Hinami seems to realize the same thing that you’ve been guessing at. 

“No, I think you’re in pain,” you reply, before Hinami can say it. “Your posture is off, and your eyes still haven’t changed back. You’re hurting, aren’t you?” The ghoul growls low in her throat, but you don’t falter. This is an injured little girl, not a monster, and you won’t treat her like one. 

“Shut the fuck up!” she snaps. “You don’t know anything. I’m f-fine!” It’s at that moment that her voice falters, that she finally sounds pained. 

“Onee-chan,” Hinami says resolutely, “you’re hurt. I can smell the blood.  _ Please  _ let this person help you. They’re nice. They’ve been nice to me, and they’ll be good to you too.” And okay, her conviction is precious. 

The ghoul falters for just a moment, staring at Hinami like she doesn’t want to say no, but then looking at you like she’d sooner see you dead. 

“. . . fine. But you’re not helping me. I’m just humoring Hinami,” she growls, and takes what she clearly means to be an intimidating step towards you. Instead, her legs shake too much to keep her upright, and she stumbles, eyes going wide with something like panic. 

You resist the urge to reach out to help, only the knowledge that it won’t go over well stopping you. Instead, you reach out a hand to Hinami, who latches onto it, and smile at the ghoul. “I’m from Ghoul Services. I’m here to help you. I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to, but I’d like to help.” You smile, introduce yourself, and the ghoul makes a face. 

“Kirishima Touka,” she mumbles, and quietly agrees to follow you. 

“Thank you,” you say, and mean it. 

Touka looks at you like you’re crazy, but goes with you anyway. A block further, and she almost collapses, knees going weak from what you can only assume is exhaustion as her expression quickly shifts to miserable. 

Hinami squeaks in worry, but you catch Touka without a second thought, wedging yourself under one of her shoulder in support. 

The ghoul growls, shifts against you like she’s about to lash out, but you don’t falter. “It’s alright. You’re not weak. I’m just helping for Hinami’s sake, okay?” That actually makes Touka relax a bit, convinced that she can allow it if it means Hinami will look a little less worried. 

You ease Touka back to your building, slipping her inside without attracting attention. Her eyes go a bit wide at the inside, and you resist a smile. You’ve put a lot of work into making your building comfortable, and from her slightly awestruck expression, it seems to be working. 

“Alright,” you start, once Touka is sitting up on her own in one of your less easily stained chairs, “what do I need to do to help you?”

Touka pulls a face, and mutters something filled with swear words. Hinami squeaks again, sounding distressed, and tugs at her shoulders, chastising “Onee-chan” for being rude to someone who wants to help. 

“I have an injection for ghouls,” you say, interrupting the little squabble. “Put simply, you’ll be able to eat human food for about a week. No side effects. No pain. Just a world less trouble than hunting.” One dark eye, still black-red and bloodshot, fixes on you with something like fury. 

“You think I’m going to fucking trust you that easy?” Touka hisses. “You may have fooled Hinami, but I know better!” 

What you see in her is closer to fear, though, a little girl trying her best to be strong even while she’s in pain. Your chest aches with sympathy, but as badly as you want to help, you don’t know where to start. 

Touka has the tired, worn look that Japanese ghouls always do. Her eyes are ringed with dark circles. She’s thin, worryingly so, and her bony ribs against you proved that she’s little more than muscle and bone. She’s skittish, like a stray animal that only knows how to be beaten. You hate every second of it just as badly as you want to help her. 

But Hinami acts before you do, proudly proclaiming that she’ll  _ prove  _ your kindness, and runs upstairs. She’s back in a second, holding half of a sandwich like it’s a trophy. “Watch, Onee-chan!” she declares, then takes a big bite, chewing triumphantly and swallowing, before going for another. 

Touka watches with wide eyes for a moment, before lunging forwards, trying to take the food away from Hinami. “Stop! You don’t know how to eat that! You’re going to make yourself sick!” She’s legitimately worried. 

“No, Onee-chan. It tastes  _ good _ ,” Hinami happily proclaims, taking another delighted bite as if to prove her point. Touka’s jaw drops. 

“I-It’s  _ real _ ?” she sputters, whipping around to look at you. 

“Completely real. Hinami and quite a few other ghouls in the area can attest to that. It works,” you say, and watch Touka stare in shock. 

“Th-Then you’re the one who helped Kaneki? And that shitty Nishiki?” You nod, and Touka’s eyes go impossibly wider. “What the fuck. . . You’re serious. You’re actually trying to help us.” 

For a moment, you allow yourself to hate everything that’s gotten this poor girl to where she is now, where the concept of someone else wanting to help her is so strange. The anger would consume you, if you let it, so you force a smile and carry on. There’s no time to be furious for her sake. 

“Mhmm. I’m really trying to help. The injection won’t hurt you, and it’ll make your life easier. Will you let me help you with this?”

Touka looks at you with suspicion for just a moment, but her exhaustion wins out, and she nods almost shakily. You can practically see the tension draining her, pain taking over anger in a gradual process. 

Instead of making her move, you go get a dose of the ghoul drug, kneeling next to Touka’s chair when you return. When you smile at her, she growls, but it’s lacking its bite. You take her cold, calloused little hand with your warm one, and inspect her arm, ignoring how she shudders. 

The injection goes in easily, Touka watching the syringe with something like muted horror. You resist the urge to try to soothe her, well aware that that would only ruffle her already fragile pride. 

“That will kick in in about an hour, and will last for around a week. You can come back and get a dose whenever you need it,” you smile. 

Touka looks away, makes a face like she wishes she could be anywhere else, and focuses on Hinami instead, asking the girl where she’s been and if you’ve been taking care of her properly. 

A sad look crosses Hinami’s face for just a moment, but it fades just as quickly. Hinami tells Touka that you’ve been doing everything for her, that you’re protecting her just like her mom would have wanted all with a little smile that’s more hope than grief. Your heart promptly breaks. 

The most Touka can get out in response is another swear word and a vicious glare in your direction.

You explain to Touka that she’s welcome here anytime she needs somewhere to stay, or anything else you can do for her. Touka keeps glaring at you, and hisses that she’d never need a human’s help. 

“Onee-chan, will you let them help you too?” Hinami asks. You imagine she doesn’t want to see anyone else get hurt, doesn’t want to lose another person that she cares about. She’s childishly hopeful, and it hurts to watch. 

You can assume that Touka knows about Ryouko. She acts like she’s close to Hinami, and it’s not too far a guess to assume that the woman was associated with the cafe before her death. If this is the Touka that Ken talked about, which, well, you’re pretty darn sure she is. 

Even though she’s still trying to act tough, Touka visibly crumplesat the look on Hinami’s face. “Fine,” she mutters, “what else do I have to do?”

“The kagune thing!” Hinami exclaims. “They did it for mom, and it’ll work on Onee-chan too, right?” She turns to you, clearly expecting, and you smile back. Touka probably won’t cooperate, but you can’t exactly say no.

As much as you wish it would be that easy to get through to her. 

“Kagune therapy,” you clarify, and Touka makes a face. “It’s something like a massage. It reduces aggression and stress in ghouls. I won’t force you to do anything you don’t want to, but I can assure you that it’s very pleasant.” You hope that Touka will accept. The poor girl looks so tired, so skittish. You wish you could do something to change it. 

“Fuck no!” Touka yelps. “No way I’m gonna let some human put their hands on me.” Hinami immediately makes a distressed little noise. 

“But it’s good!” she protests, grabbing Touka’s hand. “Mom had it done, and she was so  _ happy.  _ You’ll like it, I promise!” You can see Touka start to falter, but she just as soon falls back to a glare. 

Hinami seems to pick up on Touka’s reluctance, and something about her expression changes, going adorably serious. 

“Fine. Can I prove it to you, Onee-chan? It’s okay if you don’t want to, but this human is nice. They’ve been so nice to me. Can I please show you that you can trust them?” The amount of trust this girl has in you is staggering. You couldn’t be more honored that she does. 

Moving over to stand beside you, Hinami looks up at you like you could fix anything. You’re not quite sure  _ when  _ you made such a strong impression on her, but you think it would crush her if you let her down. 

Touka looks like she can’t figure out how to react. Torn between keeping Hinami happy and putting up with a human, her eyes are flickering back and forth over you and Hinami, the definition of conflicted. “Do whatever you want,” she sighs eventually, ducking her head down enough that a wave of dark hair hides her eyes, protective. 

Hinami’s face lights up, and she happily guides Touka back to the open therapy room. Touka is moving better already, appearing to be in less pain. 

You’ll never cease to be amazed by how well ghouls heal. 

When Hinami is on the table, so much smaller and thinner than anyone her age should be, Touka looks like she’s about five seconds away from impaling you. Ghouls don’t like to be vulnerable, and seeing one of her kind behaving so trustingly to a human must be difficult for her to watch. 

“Do what you did for mom,” Hinami insists, soft hair a halo around her downturned face. “Show Onee-chan that it’s safe.” You agree, promising that you’ll do your very best. Touka growls something angry from her seat. 

“You don’t know what kind of kagune you have, right Hinami?” you ask, falling into a practiced pattern, more confident than you feel. 

“Um, mom was a Koukaku. . .” Hinami trails off for a moment. “And dad was a Rinkaku. I’m not sure which one I am. I’ve never used it.” Alright. This will work. You’ll make it a good experience for her, no matter what. 

You place your hands on Hinami’s back, narrow and bony under your touch. Both hands are almost wider than she is, and you feel a pang of protectiveness. Hinami is thirteen, she told you, but you can’t stop seeing her behavior and appearance as much younger, much more frail. 

Hinami leans up into your touch and sighs, sounding relaxed. You don’t know if she’s just doing it for Touka’s sake, or if it’s genuine. 

Despite the girl being mostly bones, you work the muscles of her back with broad presses, relaxing them until she should be feeling close to melting into the table, Touka eyeing you with suspicion all the while. 

The first kakuhou you hit is in between Hinami’s shoulder blades. 

Koukaku, then, you think as you feel the telltale dip of flesh. Just like her mother. Another press over the area draws a little sigh out of Hinami, who appears to be well on her way to becoming a ghoul-puddle. 

This will be her first time extending her kagune. At her age, it should be well developed, at least close to its adult size. It won’t hurt, necessarily, to let it out, but it might be a little difficult for Hinami, a little intense. You think of Ryouko’s massive, crippled wings, and wince. You hope that Hinami won’t have to be in so much pain when her kagune emerges. 

The first thing you know to do is get her nice and relaxed, work the muscles of her back until letting the kagune out will go easier. 

And then you feel another kakuhou, right in the small of her back.

Okay, so she has two of them. It’s unusual, but hybrids aren’t unheard of. “Hinami,” you say, nudging her shoulder until she crooks her head to look at you. “Guess what? Did you feel that?” Hinami nods, a bit shaky. 

“You have  _ two  _ kagune.” You grin at her, lighting brushing over one kakuhou, then the other. “A koukaku and a rinkaku. They’re probably going to look just like your parents’.” And oh, you can  _ see  _ the moment that realization shines in her eyes, the moment they start to go damp yet again. 

“What, really?” Touka chimes in from her chair, leaning over to look. Her eyes go wide when she sees the two little dips, both flushed from the earlier work. Hinami smiles, burying her face in her arms. 

“I’m going to be like them. . .” she mumbles, sounding slightly out of it, and you unthinkingly pet her hair, reassuring her that she’ll be wonderful.

Another rub over her thin back, another bit of pressure over the twin kakuhou, and Hinami starts to shake. A little sigh leaves her, so soft that you feel it more than hear it. She’s relaxing, little by little, and you can feel the beginning trickles of RC fluid emerging from the kakuhou, the skin around them going soft-slick and ready to part under your attention. 

“H-Hey,” Touka interjects, giving your shoulder a rough little tap. “What are you trying to do?” Her voice is half anger, half worry, and when she sees the way Hinami trembles, her glare at you only intensifies. 

“I’m easing her kagune out. It’s pretty much the same as when a ghoul would do the same for battle, just under better circumstances. It shouldn’t hurt, not while she’s this relaxed,” you reply, smiling reassuringly.

“Don’t be stupid. It  _ always  _ hurts when it first comes out,” Touka snaps back, looking suspicious. You can feel your heart breaking a little more. 

“No, it doesn’t. If Hinami is calm, it should actually be a big relief. The kagune hurts when it comes out all stressed and knotted up, not when it’s eased out gently. Going slowly enough, it shouldn’t hurt at all.” You can imagine that letting one’s kagune out for the first time in battle  _ would  _ hurt, when the poor ghoul is stressed to the point where they’re panicking. The fact that Touka thinks that’s the only option is painful to hear. 

“Hinami, you tell me if it hurts!” Touka orders, and Hinami turns again.

“Onee-chan, it doesn’t hurt. It’s nice. . .” she mumbles, so relaxed that her eyes are going half lidded. Touka’s gaze flickers from that to you. 

To prove your point, you press down gently around the edge of the upper kakuhou, drawing a little shudder out of Hinami as the beginning wisps of her koukaku start to peak out, still red and un-solid. 

“Alright,” you murmur to her, “they’re going to come out in just a minute. I’ll press down a bit, and there will be a big ‘whoosh’, okay? We’ll do the koukaku first, then the rinkaku.” It should be easy. Considering how visibly relaxed Hinami is, you don’t imagine it will hurt her a bit. 

Hinami nods, a bit shaky. You brush your fingers over the upper kakuhou, pleased with the amount of RC fluid. Hinami seems to be very healthy, and the amount of trust she has in you is making it all easier. 

Your fingers press down, sliding against the soft, opening skin. The little dip in her back parts easy as anything, and Touka tenses beside you. 

A little bit more pressure, and, just as you described, the kagune comes whooshing out, forming and uncurling as the cells try to figure out what shape they’re trying to make. You knew to expect wings, like her mother, and step back to allow them room to spread and stretch. 

Hinami gives a little gasp, but it doesn’t sound pained. Her shoulders are shaking, breath coming fast through her thin little chest. 

Her kagune is everything you expected; massive, cream colored wings that are a perfect mirror of her mothers’, even down to the red circles. There’s only one pair, though, which is to be expected of such a young ghoul. It’ll grow with her, get bigger as she learns how to control it. 

“Good job, Hinami,” you sooth, reaching past the wings to rub her shoulders. “They’re beautiful. Did that hurt you at all?”

“Hm-mm,” she mumbles into her arms, sounding half-asleep. “Feels nice.” Hinami is limp on the table, her kagune the only part of her that still wants to move. It only takes another moment, and you hear the beginnings of a purr, soft and rattling in the relative silence of the therapy room. 

Touka’s eyes go even wider, flickering over to you like she’s in shock. “Th-The fuck is that?” she demands, but somehow, you get the impression that she already knows. 

“She’s purring. It means she feels safe.” To punctuate your words, you run a gentle hand over one of Hinami’s wings, pointedly showing Touka how they press up into your touch at first contact. “Isn’t this better than what you were expecting?” Okay, you’re pressing a bit. You can’t really help it. Hinami looks so relaxed right now, you don’t know how Touka could deny it.

Touka’s jaw is twitching, and she looks somewhere in between shocked, and flustered. You can’t imagine she’s ever seen another ghoul reduced to something so soft and vulnerable, and never willingly. 

Another press, another gentle coaxing motion, and Hinami’s rinkaku explodes out of her back as well. It’s thick and segmented, made of the same soft, cream colored flesh, with every segment holding another red indent. When it stretches, the in-between parts reveal sinewy red tissue. 

It’s strong, even you can tell, but the open, reddened bits look beyond tender to your trained eye. While Hinami is relaxed like this, it should be beyond easy to soften the kagune to healthy levels of relaxation. 

The first brush of your fingers against the in-betweens of her rinkaku makes Hinami whine, and Touka immediately tenses, glaring again. 

“I told you it would hurt!” she snaps, clearly trying to get a reaction. 

“It doesn’t hurt. Look at Hinami; she’s  _ relaxed,  _ not in pain.” With your free hand, you gesture at Hinami, who’s currently breathing slow and heavy, shivering with every brush of skin against her kagune. 

Another brush, and she whines again, mumbling something about how nice it feels, too out of it to be coherent. Touka’s face is starting to flush, and her hands are clenched in fists at her sides. You sort of wonder why she hasn’t left yet, beyond to watch over Hinami while you work on her. 

Trying to ignore how Touka is getting steadily more distressed, you place your hands on the koukaku wings of Hinami’s kagune. Since this is the first time she’s ever had it out, it’s tense and a bit malformed, knots of flesh poking unhappily at your hands. The next thing to do is to coax the whole thing into relaxing, into going soft and stretching out into something nice. 

The koukaku moves sweetly under your hands, allowing you to guide it. It unfurls slowly, like the petals of a flower blooming outwards, and you’re reminded of Ryouko all over again. It’s nearly identical to hers. 

Hinami makes soft sounds into her arms, sighing like she’s never felt anything so good. You imagine that she truly hasn’t. 

Her purr is getting louder and louder, rising into a steady rhythm that you imagine neither her nor Touka has ever heard from a ghoul. She sounds so happy, so at peace, and your chest tightens with sympathy. 

In her case, you’re more guiding the flesh than straightening it. Her kagune doesn’t quite know what shape it wants to be, so you have to help it along, ease the cells into something natural and relaxed. 

You only glance up when the first wing is swaying happily, uncurled to its full size and moving like it’s meant to. What you see is almost hilarious. 

Touka’s face has gone straight past flushed and into  _ red _ . She’s blinking incredulously, staring at the relaxed kagune wing like she’s never seen anything like it. Her hands are shaking at her sides. 

“See, it doesn’t hurt,” you say. She looks at you like you’re crazy. 

Working up the other wing, you go just as slowly, talking softly to Hinami as you go, reassuring her that she’s doing so well. Her little shoulders shake, and she’s starting to curl up on the table by the time you reach the tip of the wing, by the time the flesh is soft and pliant. 

The rinkaku tendrils have been waving, coiling crookedly in the air, but when you reach for one, it tries to wrap around your hand. 

You let it coil for a moment; an almost sobbing breath leaves Hinami like a wave. It must feel comforting, you think, to finally have something to ground herself to. You give her a minute to enjoy the peace of it. 

It moves just as sweetly when you pull your hand gently away, easing the tendril into a stretch. It’s long and broad, a strong, healthy kagune, and it takes you awhile to work over the full length of it. Every time your fingers brush the ridiculously tender tissue in between the segments, Hinami whimpers like she’s been shocked, her purr going unsteady and chopped. RC fluid drips down her back, pooling on the table beside her. 

Knowing that you’ve done a lot to Hinami already, you try to go easy, try to ease her through the last steps without overwhelming her. 

The tendrils relax just as easily, straightening out under your ministrations. The flesh of them is pliant-soft, and every knot of confused cells that you work out makes them shiver in the air. One by one, each segment stretches and retracts, getting used to movement. 

It only takes a bit of massaging to get them properly straightened out. Hinami is so relaxed that even her kagune doesn’t put up a fuss. 

A bit longer, a few more minutes of working out knots and guiding the shape of them, and you’re done. Hinami is strong and healthy, and her kagune shows no problems other than a bit of disuse. Both wings and both tendrils are swaying contentedly, worlds better than when they emerged. 

“I’m almost done,” you say. “You’ve done wonderfully, Hinami.”

Easing off, you slowly work back, switching to gentle pressure against her back and shoulders. Hinami purrs and purrs, sounding like she’s beyond bliss, shivers fading with every touch of your hands to her skin. 

Beside you, Touka is still staring. She looks like she can barely process what’s happening, can barely keep from sputtering something in protest. 

Hinami is half curled up on the table, limbs tucked in like she’s trying to make herself small. It’s a self-comforting gesture, you know, and in this case, a reaction to feeling so safe. You fully intend to plop her back in her blanket nest when this is over. You imagine little could feel better. 

When you finally pull away, Hinami’s kagune tries to follow you. The rinkaku curls around your wrist, clinging, and you let it. If that motion doesn’t prove a point to Touka, you don’t know what could. 

“Well?” you ask her. “Did that look like it hurt?” And okay, you’re kind of teasing her at this point. It’s  _ obvious  _ that Hinami is beyond relaxed. 

Touka’s jaw twitches, and you feel like she’s about to shout something furious and swear-filled at you. Before she can, though, Hinami reaches out and tugs lightly at your sleeve, little hand weak and shaky. 

“C-Can I. . . mm. . . closer,” she mumbles, and you understand. 

Hinami moves easily when you pick her up, burying her face in the crook of your shoulder as you move to pet her hair. She squirms a bit, pressing herself closer, and ends up wrapping her arms around. A little sigh leaves her when she settles, painfully trusting. 

She nuzzles at your skin, breathing slow, and Touka’s hands clench into fists at the sight, scarlet face going impossibly more red. 

“What the fuck!?” She shouts, sounding beyond mortified. “What is this!? Th-That’s so  _ wrong.  _ It’s pathetic! I’m not going to fucking stand here and watch you do– do  _ that  _ to her! You’re some kind of fucking idiot if you ever think I’d let you touch me!” 

With that furious accusation, Touka turns around and storms out, knocking something over in your front room as she leaves. You wince at the crash, and frown a bit. Well, that was certainly an explosion. 

Touka was trying to sound angry, you know, but her voice was far more unsure, tripping over words as she fought to seem tough. 

You sort of wish you could go after her, figure out exactly what it was that made her so angry. You already have a guess that she’s more afraid than furious, but you also know that pressing will just push her away. 

Hinami heaves a little sigh against your neck, seemingly unaware of Touka’s little fit, and curls closer to you. Your whole chest does a funny little ache, and well, this is  _ your  _ ghoul child now. She’s too precious. You murmur little words of comfort to her, voice tender and soft, and carry her back to the other therapy room, the one that still smells like her mom. 

Her blanket nest is still on the floor from that morning, and you sit down in the middle of it, easing Hinami back as you wrap  _ all  _ of the blankets around the two of you. She’s vulnerable right now, both physically and emotionally, and it would be downright cruel to leave her alone now. 

So you lay down, wriggle around and adjust the blankets until the two of you are in a neat little nest, and brush Hinami’s bangs out of her face. 

This is what she deserves; someone to hold her through her grief and let her be a kid instead of something terrified and pained. You’re not her parent, and you never will be, but you’re the closest thing she has right now. 

Hinami’s eyes are closed. Her hair falls in her face in soft strands. Her little chest rises and falls slowly, peacefully. It’s perfect, for both of you. 


	5. If there's anything to say, If there's anything to do, If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand Chapter 5 is done!!! :D Decently quick update too! I will warn y'all; it might be a bit before I update again. I have another Tokyo Ghoul fic that has spawned, and I want to be working on it instead for a bit! 
> 
> This chapter, though, is very, very fluffy. It's sweet, it's emotional, and it's actually decently happy. I plan for there to be one more chapter of nice stuff. . . and then the pain that is Tokyo Ghoul is going to hit. I won't spoil what it is, but I'm hoping it's going to be crush the feelings of everyone reading. Enjoy your fluff while you can :3c
> 
> And finally, I just wanted to make a note that I have a tumblr, on which I would be delighted to discuss all kinds of fic stuff there! Seriously, send me a message and I'll be delighted OwO
> 
> invertedphantasmagoria.tumblr.com

A few days later, you’re back to sitting in the little nest, Hinami in your lap. Ken had come over to visit for a bit, in between his studies and his job at the ghoul cafe, and Hinami was proudly telling him about her therapy. 

Ever since you’d worked on her, Hinami had been impossibly more clingy. The attention had seemingly shaken loose what few reservations she still had about you, and the last few days had been spent with a ghoul child practically glued to your side. She was happy, though, and you couldn’t find it in you to complain that she’d gotten a little more attached to you. 

Hinami had been delighted to find out that you’d worked on Ken’s kagune too, that you’d been so nice to “Onii-chan” as well. 

You’d just been happy that you could do something nice for both of them. Both of their smiles were beyond precious, and, well, you were pretty darn happy that the two had seemed to consider you family now. 

Ken still acted like he needed the attention horribly, even now that he wasn’t quite so shy around you. You’d taken to hugging him when you could, convinced that the poor boy could use a little more affection in his life. The shaky look he gave you every time only served to prove you right. 

Hinami’s mood had brightened exponentially in the past couple days, as well. You couldn’t say that she’d gotten over what had happened, but she’d gone from a body held together with grief to a child again. 

You didn’t know what to do beyond being kind to her. 

You did what you could to make her smile every day. 

Most of the night had been spent with you and Ken going over Hinami’s books with her. She needed help with more Kanji than you knew, so Ken’s help was much appreciated.  _ You’d  _ even been learning a few things from watching the two of them pour over the words and stories. 

Now, Hinami was in your lap, telling Ken all about her meeting with Touka a couple days ago. 

Considering that he worked with Touka, Ken also had a pretty good idea of what was going on. He’d hesitantly reported that Touka had been acting funny for the same couple days, as if something was bothering her. 

The two of you shared a knowing look, both well aware of the kind of prickly, overly proud ghoul you were dealing with. 

Hinami, meanwhile, quietly shamed “Onee-chan” for being rude when all you’d done was try to help. She sounded so serious that you couldn’t help but laugh a bit, reassuring the girl that you were more than used to ghouls not being grateful for your help, that Touka was far from the first. 

A little while later saw Hinami fast asleep, curled up with her head in your lap, half buried in blankets. You and Ken were still awake, talking quietly about the things that would have gone over Hinami’s head. 

It was at that point that a loud  _ thud  _ from outside startled both of you. 

“It’s my building; I’ll go check on it,” you argued when Ken insisted that he’d be safer seeing what the noise was. You carefully wiggled your way out of Hinami’s sleepy grasp, and stood up, padding out into the hallway. 

Ken followed you, of course, looking more nervous than you felt. He swallowed heavily, staring at your door with nothing short of apprehension. 

With more bravery than you felt, you pushed open the door. A figure was slumped down beside it, breathing heavily. Ghoul, you thought, as you caught the scent of blood. Ken stiffened behind you, unthinkingly grabbing onto your shoulder. If you could smell the blood, he surely could too. 

“Touka?” he asked, voice shaky, and  _ oh,  _ that made sense. “What are you doing here?” The figure shifted just enough that you could see her. 

“. . . killed one of the investigators,” she muttered. “The ones that got Ryouko. Bastards w-were stronger than I thought.” Okay.  _ Okay.  _ Someone was dead, possibly multiple someones, and you had a bloody ghoul on your front step, most likely injured. You’d sort of been expecting something like this, but that didn’t make it any easier to know what to do. 

The investigators were going to come after her. There was a good chance that this would be your first real conflict with the CCG. You didn’t have time to doubt yourself. Fixing things came first. You’d have time for worry and second guessing when the situation wasn’t so dire. 

The first thing to do was make sure Touka was alright, you thought, crouching down to her level to help her up. She swore, squirming a bit in pain when her weight leaned against you, but moved with you anyway.

By the time you got her inside, there was a decent sized bloodstain seeping onto your clothes. Touka was breathing heavily, obviously in pain.

“Onee-chan?” Just as you were trying to decide what to do, Hinami appeared, eyes wide and voice shaky. “I smelled blood. . . Onee-chan, what happened?” she asked, and you wished you could keep Touka’s mouth shut. 

“I killed one of them, Hinami. I got revenge for your mom,” Touka said with an almost fragile smile. Hinami’s face drops in an instant, expression shifting to something like horror. You wince, knowing how this will end. 

“B-But, Onee-chan, you  _ killed  _ someone,” Hinami whimpers. “I was sad, but I didn’t want someone else to die because of it.”

Before Touka can say something that will only upset Hinami further, you interject. “Hinami, it’s okay. Touka did what she thought was right. She wanted to help you. It’s okay to think that what she did wasn’t a good choice, but she was trying. We have to deal with the now, alright?”

Hinami nods, a bit shaky, and you turn to Touka. “And Touka, Hinami isn’t going to be happy if you hurt people. Please don’t think you have to get revenge for her sake.” Touka shoots you a glare, but it lacks her usual venom. She seems more pained than angry, and okay, helping. Now is the time for helping, not mediating an argument about killing the CCG. 

Settling into crisis mode, you ask Ken to get the little sack from your upstairs fridge, and tell Hinami to wait back in her room for now. 

It’s very, very possible that investigators could show up at any time, and the last thing you want is Hinami getting mixed up in it. She’ll be safe in your building, at least, and you can focus on fixing the Touka problem. 

“Alright,” you say, crouching down to Touka’s level again. “How hurt are you? And don’t make this a pride thing. I’m trying to help, and I need to know what to do.” Touka hisses something angry, but slowly moves her hand away from her side, exposing a slowly spreading patch of blood. 

“I got hit with a quinque a couple times. . .” she mutters, looking away from you. “It hurts like a bitch, but I should heal.”

Ken returns with the little sack, and you hand it to Touka, who looks at you with open suspicion. “It’s human,” you explain. “I’m allowed to keep a small supply here for emergencies. You can eat as much as you need.”

Touka mutters about how stupid you are for helping a ghoul, but eats anyway, quickly enough that you can tell how badly she needed it. 

Okay, first problem solved. Touka’s not in any mortal danger. 

You’re honestly a little surprised that she didn’t question if the meat was poisoned, like Nishiki had. For a ghoul who obviously didn’t trust humans, you would have expected her to be more suspicious. 

Moving right on to the next issue, you ask Touka if she wants to stay with you for a while, at least until things calm down. She ducks her head in a way that clearly means she doesn’t want to admit it, and nods. 

Making a mental checklist of what you need to do now, you stand up, telling Touka about the upstairs shower so she can get cleaned up. Ken has been standing nervously off to the side, and you pat his shoulder as you pass by him, asking him to show Touka where the shower is. 

Those two know each other. Ken should be able to handle getting Touka settled. You have to do damage control on Hinami now. 

In her area of the therapy room, Hinami has bundled herself up into a blanket lump. You can tell that she’s crying, and wince again. You’re still not sure that you’re the best at the whole comforting thing, but you seem to have done well enough so far. You plop down next to the blanket lump and place a hand on it, hoping that this is still something you can fix. 

“Hinami? Are you alright?” you ask, and a little ‘no’ is all the reply you get. Okay, so she’s upset. Really upset. You can deal with this. 

“Would sitting with me make you feel any better?” you ask next, and after a moment of silence, Hinami’s head pokes out of the blanket lump. 

“. . . yes,” she says softly, and now that you have permission, you lean over and scoop her up, blankets and all, pulling her into your lap with a squeeze. She sighs and presses tear-damp cheeks to your shoulder. 

Your heart breaks a bit all over again. 

“I didn’t want her to do it,” she mumbles. “I didn’t want anyone else to get hurt.” The poor girl sounds like she thinks it’s her fault. 

“I know, I know. Touka did what she did all on her own. You didn’t cause any of it,” you soothe, rubbing Hinami’s back through the blankets. She squirms closer, buries her face in your chest. “Is there anything I can do to make it better?” It’s a longshot, but maybe you can at least perk her up.

Hinami thinks for a minute, breathing softly against your skin. 

“. . . I want you to do the kagune thing to her,” she says eventually. “Onee-chan doesn’t understand that humans can be nice too. And you said it makes ghouls calmer. Onee-chan needs that, I know she does.”

You’d be happy to work on her, but you don’t imagine that Touka would want to cooperate with anything involving you touching her. 

“Can you tell her that?” you ask Hinami. “Touka doesn’t like me too well yet, so I don’t think she’d listen to me as well as she would to you.” Hinami nods, and what you can see of her expression is determined. 

The two of you sit like that for a few more minutes, Hinami slowly calming down. You know you’re not going to be able to fix everything, but just seeing her more relaxed is a start. She trusts you. She trusts you so much, and you don’t know how you could ever willingly let her down. 

After a little while, you both hear Touka snapping at Ken again, followed by a thump and a little squeak. Hinami’s eyes go wide, and she wiggles out of your lap, hurrying out to the main room. 

Somehow, you have a feeling Hinami will get her way. 

“Onee-chan, you have to!” is the first thing you catch when you make it to the main room, “It doesn’t hurt! You saw it; it feels nice!”

Touka’s eyes settle on you with a look somewhere in between horror and fury. Her face is going pink again, and Ken is standing a ways off to the side, watching Touka like she’s about to snap and hit him again. 

“I don’t need. . .  _ that _ !” she argues, tensing visibly under Hinami’s determined gaze. “It’s stupid! I don’t want some human’s hands on me.”

Hinami keeps arguing. She doesn’t let up, insisting that Touka needs to quit being stubborn and let you help her. The more Touka fights it, the more watery her eyes get, and when Touka finally snaps at her, little tears are streaking down her face. Touka promptly looks horrified. 

“They helped  _ mom, _ ” Hinami sniffles, and the anger on Touka’s face drops like a stone, replaced with something almost nervous. “This person wants to be nice to us. Why can’t you let them be good to you too?” 

“. . . fine.” Slowly, as if she’s choking out the words, Touka agrees. Her face has gone red again, and she looks like she’s trying to be angry. 

It isn’t working very well, that much is obvious. 

“Really?” Hinami questions, soft, brown eyes going hopeful. 

“I said ‘fine’, didn’t I?” Touka snaps, clenching her fists and turning to you. “You’d better not do anything weird! I’ll put up with this shit just this once, for Hinami, but you’re never going to touch me again.”

“Um, it really isn’t bad. Not for me, anyway,” Ken suggests, and Touka actually does try to hit him, face going impossibly more red.  

Touka finally storms off to the therapy room, hissing that you’d better not make her wait. If you didn’t think she’d hit you for it, you’d smile. Her nervousness is showing through, painfully obvious that she’s afraid, and you doubt she’d appreciate that being pointed out, especially by you.  

You’re going to make sure that this is a good experience for her. You’re going to show her that at least one human can be trusted. 

Ken reassures you that he’ll keep an eye on Hinami, who’s still sniffling a bit. You imagine she’s pleased with herself for getting Touka to agree to the kagune therapy, even if she’s still worried sick for the other ghoul’s sake.

Back in the therapy room, Touka is already laying down, shirt removed before you could tell her. Her back is narrow and small, barely bigger than Hinami, and you’re reminded again of just how young she is. You shut the door behind you and she flinches at the sound, shoulders hunching up in a motion that’s obviously frightened, head ducking down a bit. 

She’s already healed up from the incident with the investigators, just the faintest pink marks of fresh skin telling you where she was injured. She’s probably still stiff, though, body not done adjusting to the new tissue. 

“Thank you for agreeing to this. I’m going to do just what I did to Hinami, okay? Nothing will hurt you. I can narrate what I’m doing if you want me to,” you say, and Touka tenses all over again. 

“I don’t care,” she snaps, “Just hurry the fuck up and get it over with.”

Touka buries her face in her arms, trying to seem tough. Her shoulders are shaking faintly, though, and you fight the urge to try to comfort her. 

“Alright. I’ll get started, then.” The first touch of your hands to Touka’s back earns another little flinch, muscles going tight. You wince where she can’t see it, sympathetic. “What kind of kagune do you have?”

“Ukaku,” Touka mumbles into her arms. 

Okay, you can work with that. First of all, she has to relax a little. From what you can feel, Touka’s back is knotted up horribly, probably from being too tense. She’s small and thin, but toned, undeniably strong. You get the impression that she’s the kind of ghoul who’s had to fight to survive. 

The first gentle pressure against the muscles of Touka’s back draws a little shudder out of her. Her breathing goes choppy mere minutes later, ribcage expanding in sharp little motions. Your best guess is that she’s afraid, that no one has touched her with any intent to be kind in so long that she’s forgotten how to process it. She flinches again, tensing. 

It will take a good few minutes of working her back before you even try to feel for the kakuhou. Touka badly needs to relax. Her back is knotted up, not terribly, but bad enough that you can imagine it hurts day to day. 

So you take your time. You work slowly, gently easing out knots, trying to ease the poor girl into even the slightest sense of trust. 

Touka shivers with every touch, but her muscles cooperate, going soft under the steady pressure to her skin. The first brush against the little dip earns a painful looking jerk, a sharp noise that’s too vulnerable to be voluntary slipping out of her. It’s fragile– fragile in a way that it’s hard to imagine anyone like her ever being. You’re feel like she’s breaking. 

The muscle around Touka’s upper back is soft, relaxed. Her skin is going red near her spine, the dip of her kakuhou highlighted by the flush. When she shivers again, you feel it, shudders bracing against your hands.

You move for the first deliberate touch, brushing gentle fingers over the impossibly soft skin. Touka jolts, stifles a sound, and you unconsciously hum something soothing and slow. She growls, low in her throat, in a way no human can, but it’s from fear, not anger. She’s afraid of  _ you.  _

Another touch, a steadier press against where her skin parts. A little line of red fluid seeps out. She tenses, stiffens, hands clenching. 

You press down again, easing the tight knots of muscle and flesh. 

“Fuck,” Touka whines emphatically, drawing out the word.

“Feels. . . weird,” is the next part she gets out, desperately trying to sound tough. Instead, she sounds like she’s starting to shatter. You ask if she wants you to stop, and she hesitates, then shakes her head. 

She’s fine, she insists. The unspoken ‘if Hinami could take this, I can too,’ hangs in the air. You rub over her kakuhou again, and Touka whimpers. 

The beginnings of her kagune are slipping out– feathery little wisps of cells. You’ve seen ukaku with wings like fire before, and Touka is most likely the same. Beautiful. She’ll be beautiful. A press around the rim of her kakuhou, against where the skin is reddened and dark, and she shudders again. Touka arches away, unable to force herself to stay still. 

“I h-hate this,” she bites out, words half choked, “it f-feels weird. . .” Her back twitches, tensing. “Sh-Shitty h-human, I don’t– don’t– h-how does it, it feel so g-good.” The words spill out of her like you know she would never want them to. What you can see of her eyes has gone black. 

“It’s normal,” you soothe. “It’s like this for any ghoul. It won’t hurt you.” Her little back shudders under your hands, half panicked. 

She’s afraid. She’s afraid of you, this ghoul that could tear you apart in a second. Something has gone so wrong in this little girl’s life that gentle touch is reason for her to cower and shake. You’re furious, every part of you. There’s no reason why any child should have to be so scared. 

Another press at her kakukou, and Touka snaps back to look at you. Her dark hair is damp, plastered to her forehead with nervous sweat, and both of her eyes have gone dark. The worst part, the part that makes you feel like you’re seeing something you shouldn’t is the wetness around her eyes. You remind yourself all over again that you can’t pity her out loud. 

Squinching her eyes shut, Touka turns away again, making a face like she’s horrified with herself. She’s biting her lip, hard enough that you can see a little bead of blood before she buries her face in her arms again. 

Your hand is slick with RC fluid, faint red clinging to the skin. Touka’s back has passed flushed, kakuhou reddened and open to let the kagune out.

You change your motions to little circles around either side of it, coaxing. A little keen leaves Touka’s throat, painfully fragile. 

“C-Can’t–” she stutters, voice gone cracked and small. “Wh-what are you  _ doing  _ t-to m-me. . ?” then whines again, burying her face in her arms.

It’s seconds later that her kagune slides out, cells exploding out of her back and quickly finding their shape. Her kagune is clearly well used, and it confidently shapes into a large, brilliant wing, all red and black and burning.

The wing is bigger than she is, and makes her look horribly small underneath it. It’s huge and bright, like all the energy in her little body is pouring out right here. When you brush fingers, more confident than you feel, through one edge of it, Touka moans like she’s been shot. 

It’s soft, feathery and half liquid against your fingers. You can imagine that no one has touched anything but the pointy parts of it in years. 

At the base, where the solid part is blazing red, you run a gentle, massaging touch along it. Here, the cells feel more like flesh than liquid, and the way Touka shudders and whines and breathes staccato-sharp like she’s going to fall apart tells you that she can feel it, that it’s almost too much. You persist. You pet it again and again, firm against the tender flesh. 

Within the stunted wing, the base extends up, softer than the main arm. Even a gentle touch makes Touka flinch all over again, narrow shoulders trembling, muscles most likely gone liquid under your attention.

Touka’s little ribcage expands, one long gasp that almost feels like it’s going to burst her. You slide your fingers up, into the liquid feathers. 

The air leaves her all at once, silent. 

She goes limp on your table, fight melting right out of her. 

“Good, good. I won’t hurt you. Relax.” Soothing words, softer than you knew you could be. Touka shivers, wing flexing and swaying unsteady above her. It’s uneven, you note, smaller on one side like it’s half formed. 

Resigning yourself to the idea that this going to take a while, you start to work over the kagune, massaging around the solid base and trying to get the tissue to relax itself. What you can feel is hardened and almost sharp, as if Touka was readying herself for a fight. That won’t do at all. 

By this point, any ghoul should be melting, overwhelmed with calming brain chemicals that steadily transform them into a ghoul-shaped puddle. The fact that Touka’s kagune is still trying to defend itself from a perceived threat says too much about how deep her trust issues run. She should be going soft, not tensing up like she expects to be hurt at any second. 

You keep working on the kagune, combing your fingers through the liquid feathers, pressing steady against the solid arm of the wing. Touka shivers through all of it, biting her lip to stifle her little noises. 

And somehow, your heart aches for this wreck of a ghoul. 

She’s little more than a child, barely bigger than Hinami despite who knows how many years on her. She cowers under your hands like you could hurt her. Like you would. She’s a wreck of broken trust and misplaced hate.

It’s painful to watch, but it would hurt more not to. To not  _ do  _ something. To not make some attempt to fix a hurting little girl. 

So you keep working. Every touch forces her kagune to relax another increment. The liquid of it molds to your hand, cells confused by the touch of something foreign and kind. Touka whimpers like she’s dying, shakes like she’s going to fall apart. You’re almost glad you can’t see her face. 

Eventually, though, she starts to relax. You see it happen, every second. Her chest heaves a deep, aching breath, and she goes impossibly more limp, arms stretching out above her head half out of Touka’s control. 

Her little fingers curl, softly, no longer trying to claw out blood from her panic. The trembling in her shoulders shifts from stress to tiny, overwhelmed shudders, involuntary. And finally, finally, Touka’s kagune goes soft against your hands, the blaze of it simmering into a steady glow.

It’s perfect. You comb through her feathers, and sigh. 

“Good, good. It doesn’t hurt, does it? It won’t. I won’t do anything bad to you. You can relax.” Your voice is quiet; you doubt she can hear it. 

Next, because by now, you’re  _ sure  _ Touka needs it, you run your fingers down to the very base, where red skin meets liquid cells. Touka gives a little, defeated noise as soon as your fingers move even close. 

Her kakuhou is dripping, RC fluid pooling around the base. You can see where the cells escape, the exact point that they flow upwards into wings. 

It’s there that you touch, pressing softly around the very edge, where her skin is at its softest. The slightest brush draws a desperate whine out of Touka’s chest, half involuntary. Her muscles shift, strong and soft under your hands, and you absentmindedly stroke her shoulder, calming. 

This isn’t like it usually is. You’re not dealing with a client who you’ll never see again. The ghoul you’re working on is closer to a friend than she’d ever want to admit, and you want to do right by her vulnerability now. 

“Alright, Touka, we’re almost done. You’re doing great.” Again, you’re breathing words of comfort. Touka shivers weakly, barely visible. 

By now, you’d guess that she’s half out of her mind with the endorphins flooding her. You’ve been working on her kagune for long enough that  _ anyone  _ would be going dizzy from it all. Sensation and biological reaction combined, you can’t fault her for being nearly incoherent. 

Massaging around the edge of Touka’s kakuhou makes her whimper like a dying thing. Sliding a finger against the slick inside makes her keen. You keep your touch soft, painfully gentle where she’s the softest. 

Tender tissue shifts under your hands, rippling. You spend long minutes just rubbing the edges, easing Touka into adjusting to your touch. 

And then finally, finally, you sense that you’ve gone far enough. 

Something about the way Touka shivers changes, going from limp and overwhelmed to almost desperate. She’s barely making noise now, so blissed out that even her involuntary reactions are slowing down. It’s far enough. You don’t know what would happen if you pushed her any further. 

Slowing your touch, easing Touka out of the intensity, you switch to stroking smooth pressure along the arm of her kagune. The way it presses up into your hand almost breaks your heart with how tender it is. 

From there, you comb through her feathers again, slow movements that make her whole back twitch and shudder. The kagune is showing her feelings in a way that Touka herself never could, honest, where all she’s done is shout at you. It’s almost trusting now, and you treasure it. 

Lastly, you return to rubbing her back, avoiding the kagune all together. You can’t find a single knot of muscle now, she’s so limp. 

Touka sighs at the contact, and you realize that you can see her ribs through her skin. She’s so  _ small,  _ and your heart does something funny all over again. You couldn’t be more honored that you’re allowed to do this. 

A little bit more– a little more contact, and you finally pull away. You can see the moment the last of the tension leaves Touka’s body. 

And then, all you have is a puddle of a ghoul. 

Her face twists to the side a bit, and you can finally see the difference you made. Touka’s lip is bitten and red, freshly healed. Her mouth is slack. Her pitch-black eyes are dizzy and unfocused, staring at some point past the wall in front of her. Dark hair falls in her face, sticking to her skin, flowing like ink over her face. She looks positively  _ melted.  _

Softly, her eyes flutter, lashes dark against her skin. Red irises finally focus on you. You can tell already that she’s not all there. 

It’s another second before she bursts into tears. 

Touka squirms, curling up on her side and in, tucking all of her limbs together like a little animal trying to hide. Sobs shake her, wracking her thin shoulders so hard that it looks painful even from your distance. 

You’re moving before you can tell yourself it’s a bad idea. 

You ease Touka off the table, scooting her back against a wall so she won’t feel so exposed. You’re prepared to back off and give her space. 

But then,  _ then,  _ she wraps her strong little arms around your shoulders before you can pull away, curling up and in like she thinks she can hide.

Moving with her, you lean back against the wall, and are promptly met with a lapful of ghoul. Touka’s out of her mind, you know, so blissed out that she’s not aware of what she’s doing. That doesn’t make it any more shocking when she tucks her head against your collarbone and sobs. 

Okay, you think, as she presses ever closer. Contact is good right now. She’s overwhelmed. You both are. It can’t hurt to give the poor girl what she needs instead of pulling away and leaving her to cry. 

So you scoop her up like you would Hinami, pulling her little body close to you in one smooth motion. Touka tightens her grip around your shoulders, almost hard enough to choke, and you squeeze her back in return. It’s enough. It’s enough. It  _ has  _ to be enough. 

She shakes, like you’ve wiggled loose some fragile piece that was essential to holding her broken self together. 

Touka somehow manages to slot her head up under your chin, hot tears soaking your skin. She’s gone quiet, just crying like there’s no more room in her little body to hold it all. You hold her instead, firm as you can.

Before you know it, you’re rocking back and forth, softly, slowly. You’re humming some nonsense tune. Your hand is in Touka’s hair. 

The poor girl cries like no one has been kind to her in years. You don’t want to know what’s going on in a brain that turned limp and melted on your table to sobbing into your chest. You know that she’s not thinking clearly, but that makes this all the more raw. You’re seeing parts of her that you’d never be meant to see– that  _ she’d  _ never want anyone else to know. 

All you know how to do is hold her closer, tighter, and ride out the sobs that shake her, sit with her until she can hold herself together again. 

Touka’s kagune fades away little by little, vanishing into her back like it was never there. The only sign that it was there is the red skin around her kakuhou, still tender and raw. 

A few minutes pass like that, just squeezing Touka close and hoping you haven’t made some horrible mistake. Her sobs don’t ease, don’t slow, but you can feel the change in her when she realizes what’s happening.

“Sh-Shit. . . wh-what am I  _ doing _ ?” The words are quiet against your neck, half choked through her crying. The humiliation still rings clear. 

Touka moves to pull away, so shaky you know she doesn’t want to.

“Nope, you do  _ not  _ have to go,” you say, and give her another gentle little squeeze. “I know you’re going to feel bad about this, but that can come later. I’ll even pretend this all never happened, if you want, but please don’t make yourself miserable ‘cause you think I’m going to look down on you for needing help. I won’t. You’re safe, and I want to help you.”

The words draw another miserable little sob out of her, but instead of forcing herself away, Touka flops back down against your shoulder, too tired to fight it. She doesn’t protest when you bring a hand to her hair, stroking. 

Her arms are still wrapped around your shoulders, and you can feel her little hands clenching in your shirt. There are still tears hitting your neck, still big, awful sobs shaking her, and you can only imagine how vulnerable she feels, still dizzy and weak from your work on her kagune earlier. 

You go back to humming, trying not to wince when that makes Touka cry even harder. Even so, she tucks her head against your shoulder, and sighs around choppy breaths like she needs the affection oh-so-badly. 

Eventually, you switch to rubbing her back, avoiding the sensitive area around her kakuhou. Touka squirms a bit, but still doesn’t fight you. 

“Um, can I ask what brought this on?” you ask once she seems to be calming down a bit, once her sobs aren’t quite so frantic and rough. Touka tenses up all over, unconsciously grabbing at the back of your shirt. 

She’s quiet for a long few moments, and you almost thing she’s not going to answer. You don’t push. You don’t want to scare her off. 

“. . . I had a family.”

Okay, not what you were expecting. You think about the ‘had’ and try not to show how furious that makes you. You already have a guess as to what happened to them, and you don’t like where it’s going. 

“Mhmm,” you encourage, resuming tracing a slow path up and down Touka’s back when she doesn’t say anything else. 

“A dad and, a-and a brother. Mom died when I w-was little. . .  _ Fuck,  _ I d-don’t know why I’m telling you this.” Touka mutters into your shoulder, still clinging onto you almost too tightly. You can’t make yourself stop her. 

“It’s okay. The kagune therapy will make you a little funny for a while. It won’t hurt anything. I won’t think less of you for talking to me.” You’re trying to be soothing, but you don’t know how well it’s working. The only good sign so far is that Touka isn’t crying quite so badly now. 

As if on cue, she hitches another little sob against your shoulder. 

“D-Dad’s dead now,” Touka mumbles, sounding exhausted and far away. “Got k-killed cause he was st-stupid. Kept. . . kept t-trying to get along with h-humans.” And yep, your guess was right. 

You can feel another spark of fury. Another little girl who lost her family because your species can’t get it through their heads that ghouls aren’t necessarily evil. You want to choke the person who broke up Touka’s family. You breathe, and try to ignore it. Now is not the time. 

“My br-brother might as well be d-dead too,” Touka mumbles, words barely making it out between tired little sobs. “He  _ hates  _ m-me.”

And then the words that break your heart all over again. 

“I miss them so much. . .”

With that, Touka drops her head against your shoulder and goes silent. She’s shaking, and can you can feel more tears dampening your shirt. 

You’re furious, oh– You don’t know if you can hold it all. On behalf of every ghoul who’s lost family to ignorant assumptions, you wish you could storm into the CCG and  _ smack  _ one of the people responsible for it. 

“I know. It hurts, and it’s awful, and that might not ever change. I’m so  _ sorry.  _ You never deserved to have to hurt like this.” You wish you could just fix it, but two little girls are missing their families, and there’s nothing you can do but try to pick up the pieces and hope they fit back together. “I’m going to help. Whatever I can do, I’m going to change things for you.”

Touka goes quiet again, so still you almost think you’ve offended her. When she finally speaks, it’s softer still, voice a desperate whisper. 

“No one’s ever apologized for it. . . What– What k-kind of human  _ are  _ you? Why d-do you want to help us so badly? What did I do to earn it. . . ?” And every word feels like you’re hearing the softest parts of her. 

“I just want to help. You deserve the same kindness as any person, and it’s fucked up that no one’s given it to you. It’s fucked up that so many ghouls go their whole lives feeling like they’ve committed some crime just for  _ existing, _ ” You can feel the moment Touka starts crying again. 

She doesn’t say anything else, just sighs against your skin and clings. You hold onto her and seethe, furious that she’s been hurt so badly. 

You know Touka would never say these things if she wasn’t flooded with endorphins and half detached from reality. You also know that what she’s said is more genuine than what she’d ever want you to hear. 

Her body is small in your lap, and you can feel every bone. There’s strength in her, but her heart is frail. You can’t imagine how much she hurts. 

“. . . I cried, you know,” Touka starts, when her tears have finally subsided. “When I ate Yoriko’s food for the first time, and I could taste it. I didn’t get sick, I finally didn’t get sick,” she mumbles. 

“Thank you,” she says, so softly you almost miss it. 

Hearing that from Touka, the ghoul who’s done nothing but snap at you and act like you want to hurt her until mere moments ago is astounding. 

Deciding to give her the dignity of not having to know you heard it, you finally ease Touka out of your lap. She’s all cried out, limp against you like a doll instead of a living ghoul. Touka whines when you move her away from you, but doesn’t struggle. You shush her and help her to her feet. 

When she stands, she’s unsteady, swaying on her feet. You let her lean on you while you help her get dressed again, brushing enough of her damp, inky hair out of her face that she’ll be able to see while you’re at it. 

Her eyes are half-lidded, expression dizzy and far away. It would be cute, if she hadn’t spent the past while sobbing into your shoulder. 

Touka willingly holds your hand when you lead her out of the therapy room. Her strong little fingers are cool against yours, and she squeezes a bit too tightly. You don’t protest. She should be allowed that small comfort. 

Hinami is nowhere to be found, most likely in bed, but Ken is sitting, hunched over a book, in the main room, dark bangs falling in his eyes as he struggles to make out the text in the darkness of the room. He glances up when you emerge, takes one look at Touka, and his jaw actually  _ drops.  _

“She, um, she looks so relaxed,” he whispers, as if Touka will snap out of her trance if she hears him. You barely resist the urge to laugh. 

“Yeah. The therapy worked just fine, but. . . well, I don’t think Touka would like it if I told you.” You smile, trying to seem casual. It’s not worth getting upset, even though you still feel like you want to choke someone. 

“Is Hinami in bed?” you continue. Ken nods. 

“Mhmm. She wanted to wait for Touka, but she practically fell asleep in her chair,” He says, sounding fondly amused. 

“Good. I’m glad she’s getting some rest. Speaking of which, I don’t think Touka is going anywhere tonight. She’s, well, she’s exhausted too. Think we can get her set up in the spare room for now?” you ask. A second later, Touka whines and leans against your shoulder, clearly tired. 

“Yeah. That would probably be best. I wouldn’t want her alone outside when she’s like. . . like this,” Ken says hesitantly. He eyes Touka for a moment, taking in her dazed expression and contact with you. 

He stays like that for a moment, clearly thinking. Touka sways on her feet and clutches your hand a little tighter, breath soft against your neck. 

“Actually, um, can she maybe stay with us?” Ken asks, when you’re about to take Touka back to the spare room. You pause, curious. “I mean, when you did the kagune thing to me, having you there was. . . nice. Touka might want the same thing, since she’s probably feeling the same way. If she does get mad, it’ll only be at me, so, uh, is that okay?” 

And, well, that’s actually a pretty good idea. You know from training that, when they feel vulnerable, being close to trusted people is beyond comforting from a ghoul. For Touka, who’s pretty much walking ghoul puddle, being left alone probably wouldn’t be too good for her. 

So you agree, steering Touka back towards the room that Hinami had practically made her own. Ken follows, looking sort of nervous still. 

Hinami is already asleep, curled up in her blanket nest as if nothing in the world could touch her. Ken nudges her awake, and she blinks at you with unfocused eyes, mumbling a sleepy ‘Onee-chan’ thats half slurred. 

“Touka’s going to stay here tonight,” Ken says, smiling hopefully. “She’s kind of out of it from the kagune therapy, and we didn’t want to leave her alone. We need to make some room, okay?” Hinami blinks again, and then the words register. Her face lights up with a sleepy smile, and she sits up, scooting over so that Ken can adjust the blanket pile. 

You sit with Touka, absentmindedly stroking her hand while she leans on your shoulder, clearly half asleep. You can’t believe how cute she’s being. 

“‘M I gonna. . . stay with you. . ?” she mumbles, voice trailing off.

“Yep. You’ll probably be mad about it in the morning, but it’s definitely for the best. I don’t think you’d want to be all alone after this.” Touka nuzzles at your neck, gentle, and you remind yourself that she doesn’t know what she’s doing, even if this is really her genuine, uninhibited behavior. 

Still, you couldn’t be happier that you made some genuine progress with her. You know now that the therapy can crack through her prickly shell. You know now that she’s grateful to you, even if she doesn’t show it. 

Eventually, Ken and Hinami successfully arrange the blankets into something workable. It looks comfortable, and you  _ don’t  _ have ghoul instincts to reinforce that staying somewhere small and dark is a good thing. 

Touka gets nudged into laying down first. She curls up and  _ sighs  _ as soon as she’s wrapped up, and you’re right back to delighted for her. 

As soon as Touka is settled, Hinami squirms in right next to her, sleepily mumbling about how happy she is that Onee-chan is feeling better. She grabs at your hand, and you follow, settling in close. 

Hinami wiggles up close to your chest as Ken carefully lays down behind you. He looks a bit nervous, probably from being so close, but goes just as relaxed as the girls as soon as he’s settled. Good, you think, all of them deserve to be warm and happy. This is good. 

You can feel Hinami fall back asleep in minutes, her breath going even and slow against your chest, little hand going limp where it clings to your shirt. When you look over at Touka a moment later, her eyes are closed. 

A few minutes pass like that, just you and a tangle of ghouls, and it suddenly occurs to you how hilarious the situation really is. 

“Hey, Ken? Are you still awake?” you whisper, and get a sleepy mumble in response. “I just realized something. Imagine what the CCG would think of this. Three ghouls, curled up with a human like cats. No killing or eating in sight. They’d be  _ horrified, _ ” you snicker, amused. 

Ken snorts, and you can feel him cover his mouth. “You’re right. The investigators would think the world was ending!”

You both laugh, struggling to be quiet. Touka shifts, making an annoyed little noise, and you both laugh all the harder. A wanted ghoul has been melted to a puddle, and no one but you three will ever know. 

“This is amazing. I knew what I was signing up for when I joined Ghoul Services, yeah, but I never thought it would be like this,” you sigh. “It feels like I’m actually helping, like I’m actually doing something good for the world. For ghouls. For everyone. I love it. I love this so much.”

Before you know it, your eyes are watering. Three ghouls that you  _ helped  _ are right here, and they’re all better because you were there. It’s staggering, and the wave of emotion hits you hard. 

“I’m so glad you did,” Ken mumbles, sounding almost like he’s trying to hide. “When the, the ghoul thing happened, I thought I was doomed. I didn’t think I’d belong in either world.” He sighs, once, slow.

“This is so much better than being alone.”

The words hang in the air for just a moment, and okay, yep, you are definitely crying for real now. That’s way, way too amazing for you not to. 

Maybe it’s because it’s so late. Maybe it’s because you’ve had such an emotional day already. “I’m glad I met you,” you say, for some reason, words falling out before you can think twice. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

Ken goes quiet. You imagine he’s taking the words in. Then, from behind you, you hear the smallest sob. 

“I don’t. . . I don’t know why you’re so  _ nice  _ to me,” he mumbles, and his voice is thick with tears. “I’ve never been good at making friends. Hide was the only one, but now. . . this is. . . I don’t know what to do.”

“You said it already. We’re friends. I’m gonna be here for you no matter what happens, okay? You don’t have to do anything. You’re fine just being here.” You’re sort of trying to sound like you know what you’re doing, but you’re crying too, and every word comes out a little bit wobbly. 

There’s a series of sniffles behind you, and you can guess that Ken is trying to pull himself together. 

A moment later, he wraps a hesitant arm around your midsection, shaking so badly you feel like he expects you to hit him.

“S-Sorry. I can, um, move if you don’t want me so close,” he mutters, sounding horribly fragile. “You smell so good. . .” The last bit is quieter, and definitely something only a ghoul would say. You don’t point it out. 

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. I’ve hugged you plenty of times before, right?” It’s as reassuring as you can be, considering that you both still have to be careful. You’re still whispering, and you can only imagine what would happen if Hinami woke up to the both of you crying like this. 

Ken doesn’t say anything, but you feel his forehead come to rest against the back of your neck, soft hair tickling your skin, and tears dampening your shirt. It’s sort of gross, but you can’t bring yourself to care. 

The room goes quiet. You’re still sort of crying too, a few tears still dripping down your face. Hinami is small and warm beside you, still tucked up close to your chest, and what you can see of Touka looks equally peaceful. All three ghouls have been through more suffering than you can imagine. Somehow, you’ve managed to get through to all of them. 

You breathe, slow and even, trying to calm down. You need to sleep. It’s beyond late, and you probably should do some actual work tomorrow. 

There’s paperwork to do. There’s clients to see, and more ghouls that need to be helped. There’s a big world outside that won’t wait for you to catch up. 

The issue of Hinami still needs to be dealt with. She’s latched onto you, you can’t deny that, but you can’t have her stay in your therapy room forever. She needs a real home, probably with someone who knows how to be a parent better than you do. 

Her parents are dead, and nothing can fix that. Hinami is going to have scars that might never heal, no matter how nice to her you are. You can’t change it. You can’t make it better. 

But you made things better. You made the world a little better for Ken, for Hinami, and for Touka. You can see your results. You know that you changed something, no matter how small. Three ghouls have trusted you with their most vulnerable moments. It’s enough. You did what you could, and like this, it’s enough.

Touka shifts a bit, and you’re reminded that she’s probably going to be pissed in the morning, especially if she remembers much of what she told you. You’re  _ not  _ looking forward to that explosion. 

You don’t know what she’ll do when she realizes how much she let you know. For all you know, she might be so furious with herself that she’ll never come back. All you can do is hope that you did the right thing for her. 

Even so, you’re happy. Even with everything that’s gone wrong, you couldn’t imagine a better moment. It’s peaceful. It’s what they all need. 

The breath against your back has gone steady and slow. Ken’s arm is still wrapped around you, more gentle than clinging. It’s just like him, you think, to be so careful even while he’s falling asleep.

“Good night, Ken,” you whisper, only half expecting him to hear. 

He doesn’t answer. Everything is still, the only sounds the ghouls breathing beside you and the city outside. 

And in that moment, everything is okay. 


End file.
